Saving Bella
by SoAdorkable
Summary: Bella is a manic depressant about to end it all. Edward is a best selling author who just happened to stop her from attemping to commit suicide. AU AH EdwardxBella
1. Pitter Patter

**This is my first attempt at a multiple chapter, Twilight fan-fic. I hope you enjoy!**

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This is it. All my life I've been waiting for this moment. Well, the past 4 years of my life anyway. The wind whips my hair in all different directions. It feel good. It feels like freedom. As I stand on the guard rail of the St. Marcus bridge, on the outskirts of the terribly cold and depressing Fork, Washington, my chapped lips curl into a small smile. I haven't smiled in years.

I take one last look at the beautiful river below me, and the beautifully sharp and jagged rocks that accompany it. I'm ready. Heart pounding a hole in my chest, I close my muddy brown eyes and prepare to jump.

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Alice had to take me shopping. For a tux. I have tuxedos. At least five, _'But Edddiiiieeeeee,'_ she whined, _'Everyone's already seen those!'_

'So what?' I said to her, 'They all look the same,' but in the end, Alice always got her way. But I'm gratefull she'd ruin her Sunday on me. My annoying, yet lovable sister. It was nice to have some quiet after the long day of measurements and driving from store to store, just to find a classic light grey tux with grey vertical stripes.

I yawned and turned the corner onto St. Marcus Bridge towards my name in Fork, Washington. Sprinkles of rain hit my windshield quietly. I side glance at the Calawah River. Nothing out of the ordinary. Blue lake, evergreens, girl standing on the….wait, WHAT?!

'_That girl, she's going to jump!!!!'_ I thought frantically. My Volvo came to a screeching halt and I shot out of my car "Don't jump!" I shouting over the pounding rain, which was really coming down now. I got no response, so I came closer and took her wrist restraningly. She ripped it away from me like it was on fire and screams "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" This makes her lose her footing and start to fall forward. I leaned forward and grabbed her waist, pulling her to the cement road safely.

The girl screamed and thrashed violently, but I had a good grip and her movement though defending, were weak. Her flailing weakened even more and she went limp, crying hysterically. It scared me. I lowered her to the ground and let go of her. She curled up on the soaking wet ground and whimpered, "Let me jump….just let me jump…"over and over again. That would be the last thing I'd do.

'What do I do?' I thought. What if I just left her there? She would try to jump again. I would never forgive myself if that happened. I would just take her home. Yeah.

"Um….Miss…? Where do you l-live?" I waited for a reply, but nothing. She kept crying, in her own little world. It was slightly annoying. I sighed and looked around. This road was deserted. I could understand that, especially because it was almost three in the morning. We were both completely soaked by then, and I could see her starting to shake in the cold.

I slowly picked her up. Her cried became more frantic and terrified. "Shhh…I'm not going to hurt you, just relax," I cooed, keeping my voice steady and calm. This girl was starting to scare me a lot.

I places her in the back seat and got in the driver's seat. Her cries faded as we got closer to my house. When I got out and opened the back seat, I discovered that she'd fallen asleep. I picked her up and took her inside. She was scarily light to carry. The skin on her face stretched over her bones, making her look sickly. She no doubt needed to eat something before she withered away.

I set her down on the guest room bed and pulled the covers over her. She stirred but was pretty much out cold. So much for having a peaceful night.

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**Reviews pleeasseee =3**


	2. Thump!

**Well I'm glad some of you liked it =) I think I'll continue it, at least for a while.** _

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_A warm hand grabbed me. Just like last time, it pulled me foreword. 'DON'T TOUCH ME!' I shouted, scared. But this made me start to slip. Ha, I was going to fall. He couldn't get me. But wait. No! He was grabbing me, pulling me away from the river._

_I was on cement now. He was holding onto me restraining me. I screamed and thrashed. I had to get away. But I was weak, like last time. Not again. It was happening again. But like last time, I was weak. I slumped and began to cry. What was he going to do to me first? Whatever it was, I hoped it wasn't with a knife._

_He picked me up and I started screaming. We were going towards his car. My hair stood on edge as he whispered that he meant no harm. Bull shit. But strangely, he put me in the back seat and began to drive me home. I closed my eyes and curled up, shaking from the cold and from fear. I needed to escape. But soon I was drifting and floating. I needed to escape…I needed to get out…I needed to……I…._

I woke up under a warm, cotton blanket. I groaned at the fact that I even woke up at all. That wasn't supposed to happen. What happened last night? My head was heavy and fuzzy. But what I did know was that this wasn't my home, and this wasn't the hospital. This was a person's house a person who….

And then everything flowed back to me.

That man, he took me to his house.

He kidnapped me.

…And I fell asleep.

I shot out of the strange, unknown bed. This was definitely not my apartment. It was to warm, too f friendly. It was suffocating. And I needed to get out. I walked out of the room and there he was; on the couch, reading the newspaper.

"Ah, you're awake!" He stood and dropped the paper to the coffee table. I backed away as he approached me.

"Don't hurt me," I said defensively. He gave me a confused look that soon turned to shock as he saw me pulling out my wallet and throwing it to the ground "Here, take my money. Just let me go." I said frantically, still backing away.

"Wait..what?" He gave a look like I'd shot him in the chest "I'm not going to hurt yo- Ah! Watch out!" But it was too late. I'd backing into the end table and tripped over the led. I flew backwards onto his wooden floor.

"Shit…" I mumbled. I could already feel the red, warm, oozy liquid coming out of my head. It made me dizzy, and I felt like I was going to puke.

"Are you all right?" He asked. I nodded tentatively. I was so stupid, tripping like that. He seemed sort of friendly though, and I was pretty sure that if he was going to murder me, he would've done it already. He was just a stupid Good Samaritan who'd stopped me from killing myself. How foolish. He didn't what he was dealing with. But it'd be a matter of time before he hated me, just like everyone else. "What's your name?" He asked, holding out his hand – which I denied- to help me up.

"I-Isabella….but I'd prefer Bella…."He smiled down at me.

"Bella…that's a beautiful name," He told me with a crooked grin that was so pure and disorienting. No it's not. It's a horrible name. I hate my name. I tried to stand and wobbled a bit dizzy. Blood crawled down my neck and the nauseous feeling grew. I steadied myself by holding onto the couch.

"Bella, I'm going to call my father. He's a doctor. He'll check out your head. It looks like it might be serious," He moved towards me to get a better look. I took a step backward. Human contact wasn't really my thing, to say the very least.

"Um no, you don't have to do that," I mumbled. Truth is, I hate doctors. Every time I saw one, they'd prescribe me something new. Something I didn't need. Or at least I thought I didn't need, "I'm fine…"

"All right then, but you should sit down until the dizziness stops," I didn't know. Why was this stranger being so…nice? He turned to me again, "I make some breakfast, if you're hungry." When was the last time I'd eaten? Maybe just a bite or two. "Oh," He added and turned around, flashing a smile that made the tips of my toes tingle. "My names Edward. Edward Cullen."

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**Reviews pleeeeassseeee =3**


	3. Ring! Ring!

"Shit!" Bella shrieked. I looked at her questioningly. "You're Edward Cullen!?" I chuckled at her stunned expression, "Guilty," I mumbled with a smile. I guess she'd heard of my books.

I sipped at a cup of coffee and watched her secretly. Her eyes were a beautiful chocolate brown. They were eyes that held a deep, hidden sorrow in them. Like thick rainclouds that looked like they'd never go away. It was saddening.

Bella just started at the plate of food, looking miserable. Was my cooking that bad? Probably, "Um…you don't have to eat that…my cooking is ,well, I order takeout more than I should," She looked up at me.

"But…I like waffles…" She said softly. She then took a bite. Bella had deep purple bags under her eyes. She was dangerously thin. She looked so weak, so fragile, so…..breakable.

I was afraid to ask about the previous night. She might start freaking out again. And her tears made me panic, they were so frantic and sad. "Is that your real eye color?" Bella asked me suddenly. She looked to the ground quickly, blushing, "Sorry that was rude, never mind."

I smiled at her and shook my head "No, I don't mind at all. And yes, it is," She looked back up at me and gave a tiny smile. I always got asked about my green eyes. I'd ever considered color contacts at one point, just to stop the questions.

Then the phone rang. I excused myself and took the phone into the other room where I couldn't be heard, "Hello?"

"Edward? Is something wrong? You called me last night at three thirty in the morning…" Carlisle, my father, said, followed by a yawn. His voice was concerned, and I could almost see the worried look on his face.

"Carlisle, I need your help...as a doctor." I sighed, thinking about the previous night's events.

"Oh? Are you sick?"

"No. You see, I was driving home last night, and there was this girl, Bella."

"Edward! I thought you were going to wait until marriage!" He reprimanded me.

"NO!" I said in a panicked voice, "We didn't have sex! Carlisle, she was going to jump off St. Marcus bridge. I brought her home. And then she tripped and his the back of her head. She's dizzy, and bloody, and eating _my_ food that _I_ cooked. I'm worried, Carlisle."

"Let me wake Esme to tell her I'm coming over. Give me a half hour and I'll be there."

"Thank you,'' I said and hung up the phone. Whatever was going on with Bella, I was eager to find out.


	4. Sizzle

**I finnallllyyyy wrote more for this chapter. I hate when I write short chapters. It makes me feel like I cheated you guys, y'know? xD Enjoy.**

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I couldn't believe it. I was sitting across from Edward. Fucking. Cullen. I didn't deserve that. I was probably just wasting his valuable time. Freaks aren't that interesting. "I should probably go," I said quickly, standing. The quick movement made me a little dizzy, and my head still hurt like hell.

"No!" He said and stood as well. I jumped at his eagerness to have me here. "I called my father and he's coming over to made sure nothing's wrong with your head.'' Ha, there was definitely something wrong with my head. Oh, but he meant from when I tripped. I stood there, mouth slightly opened. He lied to me! Authors didn't lie! Did they? The doctor was coming. I needed to get out of there. But I had to get past Cullen. Unfortunately I was too weak to put up a struggle. But I still changed foreword, trying to run past him.

He grabbed my shoulders, but I shoved him away with what little strength I had. The door was now far behind him. I opened it and ran through the doorway. But I ran into something. A chest. But not just any chest. I looked up and there he was. Blonde hair, light skin, and a medicine bag. "Shit…" I mumbled in defeat.

He smiled down at me, "That's far enough, Bella…" Shit. There was no escape now. Edward grabbed my arms and I quickly flinched away from his touch, dragging my feet inside. Damn, Cullen was dropping fast on my favorite author's list.

So I just fucking sat there as the doctor – Carlisle was his name – poked at my head, while I stared at the ground the whole time. Edward was watching me, I could feel his stare burning a hole in me, but didn't dare looking at him. Carlisle shined a really fucking bright light in my eye and I flinched away.

He'd brought his wife (and Edwards mom), Esme along too. She was pretty, just like the other Cullens I'd met. She hugged Edward for like, five fucking minutes, then introduced herself to me. It seemed like they all knew who I was. Must've been a slow news day.

When Carlisle sent everyone else out of the room, that's when it got just plain frightening. He started asking all of these questions.

"Bella, why did you try to jump off the bridge last night?" Jeez, he didn't beat around the bush.

"It seemed like a good night for that." I lied. He sighed, but his face remained calm.

"Do you have prescription anti-depressants?"

"Yes"

"Do you take them?" I didn't respond. If I had, we wouldn't be in the situation. His hand reached for my jacket sleeve. My eyes widened and I ripped my arm from his grasp. "Bella, you're making it obvious that you're hiding something," I stared at him with wide eyes. He wouldn't fucking dare touch my arm. "Do you live alone?" I was thankful for the subject change.

"Yes…" I said slowly, carefully.

"Well," He stood, "The blow to your head won't need stitches, thankfully. But I suggest you stay here with Edward for a few days, to make sure it's not concussed," Great. I might have a concussion. Life just keeps getting better, doesn't it?

"Do I have to? I-I don't want to be a burden…" I'll bet Cullen doesn't even like me.

"No. You don't. We can go right now and check you into the hospital…"

"No!" He laughed at I said shrieked it quickly and put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away.

"I'll go tell Edward you've decided to stay here," Decided? Like I had a choice.

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Esme took one look at the waffles I'd made and broke into a cooking frenzy. A stack of pancakes and a glass of freshly squeezed Orange Juice in, she began asking me about Bella. Most of the questions I didn't know. I wasn't even sure if Bella liked me very much.

"All I know is that she's got problems," I said softly, before drenching my pancakes in caramel colored, stick syrup.

"Oh Edward," Esme smiled and sat across from me with that motherly smile of hers that is so pure and sweet, "Whatever happened to make her life this was probably not her fault. She's just…lost her way in like. I'll bet she's a lovely girl." Esme said so many kind words about Bella, yet she'd only seen Bella for five minutes, "You know," She took a sip of her coffee, "Alice wanted to come."

"Oh no!" I looked at her in disbelief, "Bella is depressed enough. The last thing she needs is Alice wanting to buy her a store full of clothes," We both laughed at the though. Alice meant well, but sometimes – maybe all the time – she went a little…..over board.

Carlisle walked into the kitchen, smiling. I assumed that meant everything was okay, but then again, he smiles all the time so it was too hard to tell. "Bella is going to be fine. There's nothing wrong with her head other than a cut. But…" He took a seat and stared at me, "I told her she might have a concussion and she will have to stay here for a few days just as a precaution,"

I stared at him, "Why would you lie to her?" He placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled.

"If I sent her back onto the streets, she'd be dead by morning, Edward. Just…help her out. Maybe help her find a job? Get her back on her feet," My mouth was wide. He'd just invited this Bella girl to stay at my house!?

"Why don't you and Esme just take her home and look after her?" I asked, eyebrows raised in defense.

"She's scared of me Edward, she barely let me touch her. Just for a few days, okay?" I sighed heavily. This was a battle I wouldn't win. That was a given.

"Okay..." I gave in with a sigh. He smiled and stood. Esme stood too and gave me another big hug. I hugged her back and inhaled the scent of her lavender shampoo.

"I'll be back in a few days to check on Bella, if you have any questions or something happens, call me," And with that, they were gone. I was alone. Well, not exactly alone.

I opened my refrigerator and cringed. If she was going to stay, we needed some food suitable for actually eating. I walked into Bella's room and saw her facing the other way, looking out the window. She looked like a caged bird, longing to go outside and stretch its' wings. Her brown hair blew due to the slight breeze caused by the slightly opened window. Her hair danced in the breeze like ribbons of silk. It was truly mesmerizing, and I didn't know why. "Bella," She looked to me, her eyes wide and curious. I couldn't help but smile. More unexplained actions on my part. "I'm going to go to the store to get some….edible food. If you want to come, you can, I'll only be gone a few minutes. The store is right around the corner."

She shook her head ever so slightly "I-Is it okay if I use your shower…?"

"Of course! It's upstairs to the left." She nodded and told me thanks. I closed her door again just as it was before I entered.

I made sure there was a change of clothes in the bathroom for her before I grabbed my keys and drove off.

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**I promise, this are going to get more interesting next chapter.**


	5. Slice

**Gaahhhh I'm sorry guys x.x This chapter is really short and icky, but I didn't know what to write. x.x I will have something better up soon, promise!**

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Edward was really nice, and I had to give that to him. He was letting me stay at his place and he even gave me a few changes of clothes until I could go to my shithole apartment to get my ratty, old clothes. But he forgot who he was dealing with. He forgot who I was. And he forgot the number one thing you shouldn't do when dealing with a girl like me:

Never leave a manic depressant alone in a house.

Yes, I did take a shower. And yes, I changed into the clothes he gave me like a good little girl. But it was all too easy to find where he kept his shaving razors. It was too easy to hop into the shower and bring the razor to my skin. The blood pouring out felt nice. I watched with satisfaction. The mantra played over and over in my head: _You're worthless, you're worthless, you're worthless… _And I believed it. I wasn't guilty of cutting myself in a stranger's house, because that's not how we work. We're kind of like druggies, only we hate pills. We prefer our own brand of self destruction.

I let myself bleed out before turning on the shower and washing away all the evidence. A few minutes of running water in the shower and a few band aids and it looked like nothing happened. All. Too. Easy.

Afterwards I actually did take a shower. I really needed one. I had no job, so I had no money, which meant I had no water in my apartment. The only shower I had now was the stupid rain that was always falling. He had nice strawberry scented shampoo, and it felt so nice to be clean again.

Once I got out of the shower, I gaped at the difference in my appearance. My face was clean, the complexion smooth and fresh. My eyes were still extremely dark underneath, and I cringed at the realization he was going to make me sleep. I hated being asleep and only dozed off when it was absolutely necessary. Except for last night.

I changed into the oversized green long sleeve shirt he lent me, and the black pair of shorts he lent me as well. I walked into the kitchen and gaped at what I saw. It was like the Food Network had thrown up all over the room. Pans upon pots of burnt mystery food lay in the sink, untouched. Take out boxes over flowed the trashcan, with an unworldly smell coming out of them. Oh my. Did this guy know what a feather duster was?

Over the half an hour we was gone I managed to clean most of the kitchen. It was the one thing I did when there was nothing else to do. It was my only solace nowadays. It was weird, but true. The dishes were washed, the trash was taken out, and the refrigeration de-hazarded.

When he came home, he took one step into the kitchen and was shocked. "What the…how did..?" He stuttered out, setting the grocery bags on the counter.

"I cleaned it." I said obviously and peek at the top of the bag. I saw carrots. Ugh…He emptied out the bags and put the stuff away. It was mostly instant meals. That was a good idea on his part…My eyes widened as he pulled out something I hadn't seen in years "Ice cream…" I whispered, staring at it all stupidly like it was the fucking Holy Grail or something.

He just laughed and said "Yeah, I got vanilla, I hope you like that." I stared at him. He got that for me? I could have it? I could only nod, surprised at the kindness I hadn't seen in so long.

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Bella was so adorable. She looked at the quart of ice cream I bought like it was diamonds "C-could I….have some now?" She asked softly, and then looked down, her cheeks turning the cutest shade of pink. I nodded and handed it to her, and then got out a newly clean spoon for her. I couldn't believe she cleaned the whole kitchen. It looked like…Esme's kitchen, almost.

She ate the whole thing. In like, thirty minutes. I was surprise, and I was happy. Even though it was really unhealthy, at least she was eating.

The rest of the evening she just sat down and didn't really do much. I wondered what was going on in that head of hers, and what she was thinking. By her facial expressions, it was nothing good.

She suddenly stood at about 9PM and said "I think I'm going to go to sleep,"

I smiled and awkwardly waved to her "Goodnight, Bella," She walked into her room and closed the door all but a crack. I kind of felt bad that I wasn't nicer to her. But it was hard, considering her condition, and considering we were both complete strangers. Tomorrow I'd take her back to her apartment to get her clothes to make it up to her.

After washing the dishes, I turned in myself. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

At about four in the morning I was awoken by something horrible. A loud, terrified, blood-curdling scream rang throughout the house and hurt my ears. I knew that voice. It was Bella. And something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

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**Reviews and Edward will buy ice cream just for you ^_~**


	6. AHH!

**A friend told me if I didn't update soon that he'd slap me, so to avoid my face from being high fived, here we are. Enjoy ;)**

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Everything that night went on so…awkward. He never even suspected that I'd punished myself. He had no idea what he was dealing with, and no idea what I was capable of. I could've killed myself with those razors while he was out. That never even crossed his mind. Hilariously, he took me for….normal. Ha. What a stupid man.

I went to sleep, dreading what would happen. I knew it would. But I was starting to hallucinate from the lack of sleep. As soon as my eyes closed, I fell asleep.

_Bella was bound tight by rope. She screamed and struggled but couldn't get out of the restraints. It was dark. It was familiar, but different as well. Blood was splattered on the walls and floors like it was part of the wallpaper. She tried to scream but her screams were muffled by a clammy hand that was clamped tight around her mouth. She could feel heavy breaths on her as the man whispered to her, "Shhh…it'll all be over soon…" A syringe came in sight and stuck into her. Her screams became more frantic, and then quickly ceased all together. She couldn't struggle. She couldn't scream. All she could do was watch. _

_More people came through her front door, with leering grins on. There were words exchanged, but the scent of the blood and whatever was injected in her made her dizzy and lethargic. The lead guy, slowly trailed his hand to her pants and began unbuttoning….she couldn't move. She could only watch as they…they…_

I woke with a jump, my eyes shooting open in raw fear. It took me a moment to realize I was screaming and swiftly stopped. I always knew the dream was coming, and it was always the same dream. But it never failed to scare me out of my wits, and knock the wind out of me.

Edward came rushing in, a wild expression on his face. "Bella! What's wrong!? Are you all right!?" He said frantically, his hair tousled and going in every direction. I nodded and even gave a smile to be more convincing.

"I-I'm ok…it happens every night. I'm sorry for disturbing you…" I was going to wake him up every night with this. How stupid was I. Such a bother. He walked over and grabbed my shoulders. That's when I realized I'd been shaking from fear. His soft, green eyes blazed through mine, and I couldn't help but blush. "I'm okay, Edward…really…" I whispered, looking down awkwardly.

"Well, okay Bella…get some sleep." He said in a calm, musical voice. I could only nod and before I had a chance to blink he was gone. I had no idea what just happened. All my fears seemed to go away. Sort of.

It didn't take long to fall back asleep. I was thankful that there were no more dreams for the time being. That was always a plus. When I woke up and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast (it was the least I could do. I mean, the man was letting me stay in his house and he didn't even know me), I peeked into his room. Sparks of warmth flew in my tummy as I looked to the sleeping figure tangled in blankets. His face held a beautiful mask of peace, and it was kind of beautiful. He didn't look like he'd be waking up soon, so I took the opportunity to go into the bathroom and look over the cuts on my wrists, along with making new ones.

Once I was out, I used what was in the kitchen. He didn't have many raw ingredients, so the best I could do was make a small batch of blueberry pancakes, some orange juice, and a pot of coffee. They'd just cooled down when he came in and stared at me, with that same astonished face. He stared at the pancakes, eyes wide "Y-you don't like it…?" I asked softly. I knew this was a stupid idea. And maybe he didn't even like blueberries? _'Stupid, stupid, stupid…'_ The voice in my head screamed. I believed it too.

"No! I just…thank you! You didn't have to do this!" He exclaimed, looking at the food and now smiling. He took a seat and dug in while I sipped at a cup of coffee, not planning on eating. "After this, go get dressed. I'm going to take you to get some warm clothes." He took in my black sweater, which hand many small holes in it, along with my over worn and faded jeans which I caught a side look of in the trash, "It'll take a while for us to get to the good mall in Port Angeles." I stared at him.

"Um…I don't have any money…" I mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed for myself.

Edward simply looked up and let out a beautiful, melodious laugh, and replied simply, "I know."

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**Review and Edward will buy you new clothes too~**


	7. Cha Ching!

We're about to take a dark turn here, folks...

Enjoy...

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"No!!!" She immediately stood up and got this adorable pouty face. Yes, I had to admit, it was utterly adorable. I looked to her and blinked a few times. I could why she didn't want me to buy her clothes, but I just had to. The clothes she came here with…ugh. Those weren't even considered clothes. More like scraps of fabric that by some miracle stayed together. But I couldn't imagine that being comfortable. With all the holes, no wonder she started shaking in the rain, she was probably freezing. "Y-You can't do that!! It's not r-right!! I-I-I couldn't possibly-"

"Bella, I insist."

"Please don't insist."

"I do."

"Well, don't."

"Bella…" I sighed, going to the unfortunate Plan B that I didn't like at all "How about, once you get a job, you'll pay me back…?" I offered softly. This was probably the only way she'd let me take her to the store. She sighed and sat back down slowly.

"Well…alright. But don't think I won't forget, because I won't." She wagged a finger at me and rubbed her eye. I couldn't help but smile at her.

With a nod I said "Of course, Bella." and took the dishes over to the sink, planning to wash them later.

Once we were both dressed I drove to the clothing store I told her about. Alice had told me it was the only good store in the area, and I took her word for it. I was the last to go to about fashion advice, let alone girl clothes advice.

There were a few other people in the boutique-esque store. A younger man near the male section, and a few teenage girls. I followed behind Bella. She never actually told me what she wanted. I picked up on her body language pretty quickly. If she didn't like it, her nose crinkled up in the cutest way, and if she liked it, she'd touch it gently and look at it for a few seconds longer than the others.

When she did do that I took it gently, not bothering with sizes. She was a small, and we both knew it. She was the tiniest thing in the world. Just bones and skin. This is why I decided to take her to lunch as well after we were done shopping. I was afraid she might just break in half. She was so weak. She could barely open the car door to get out. It made me sad and I needed to do something about it.

We loaded the bags into the truck, and drove this nice Italian restaurant a few blocks away. She thanked me and told me I didn't have to do this the whole way.

"U-u-um…Mushroom Ravioli please…" She stuttered once we were in a nice booth and had looked at our menus. She wasn't good in public, and I could tell. Her little cheeks turned red in embarrassment as she realized this too.

I couldn't stop thinking of how adorable it all was. I was probably just going crazy. Yeah. That seemed more logical. It seemed more logical than having a stupid crush on a depressed girl that I'd known for a day. But…when was love logical? I cursed myself in my mind. I couldn't have a crush on Bella. It was the worst kind of situation to crush on someone in. Plus, I barely knew her. All I knew was that she tried to kill herself and had some serious problems. Problems which were none of my business.

"So…" I said, trying my luck at small talk "Where do you live?"

She looked up to me, the sad fog in her eyes deepening "Just an old apartment complex in Downtown Forks. Nothing special." Good job Edward. You made her even more sad.

I nodded and looked to the table, feeling like a complete idiot. What did I say? If I asked about her past, would she start crying? She seemed to notice my hesitation "I'm not that good at small talk either." I looked to her surprised. It's like she read my mind. I gave a small chuckle and she cracked a smile. Though I could tell it was forced. It didn't reach her eyes.

"I…….I like your books…" She mumbled awkwardly, looking down and blushing yet again. I'd heard that so many times, but this time it meant just a little more.

"Thank you Bella, I'm really glad," For some reason her blush grew. What did I say? Girls, depressed or not, were so confusing. She looked up and gave me another forced smile. I hated that smile. It made me even sadder, especially because I knew it wasn't a real smile. She wasn't really happy on the inside. And I wanted to know what I could do to change that.

The rest of the meal was relatively silent. Again, she protested when the check came. I had to let her promise to pay me back for the meal and even the tip. I agreed with a roll of my eyes, but inwardly still had no such intentions of letting her pay me back.

As I was looking over the bill, she stood up and mumbled "I-I-I'm going to go to the bathroom…" Her hollow eyes filled with determination for even that small task, and I saw in her eyes how she struggled to try and act normal. I could see it in her eyes that she was slipping away…and yet I smiled at her and nodded. She went into another room of the restaurant where I'd assumed the bathroom was, and I payed. Just then, my phone vibrated. I pulled out the silver device and looked at the screen. I'd gotten a text message.

From: Alice

_Eddddieeee!!!_

_I heard that you have a friend over! Why didn't you tell me?!_

_I'll be over tomorrow to meet her!_

I groaned and closed my eyes. Alice was going to take her shopping, I knew it. And I just did! The clothes that she's going to buy for Bella will completely blow mine out of the water. Well, that's what you get for graduating fashion school and becoming one of Washington's most prominent designers. It was in her blood, I guess. I just hoped Bella would be okay with it.

Just as my mind wandered back to Bella, the whole restaurant was silenced by a piercing, terrified scream coming from the other room. The same room that Bella had gone into. "Bella," I whispered and bolted upwards out of my seat, towards the other room. I knew that scream. I'd heard it this morning. But this time it was much, much worse.

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Reviews and I don't wait a month to tell you what happens :D


	8. Crash!

Yeah I know, two updates in the same day. Once in a blue moon, eh? Well, sadness motivated me to write this crazily evil chapter. Enjoy.

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Edward was such a gentleman. And I couldn't let that happen. I felt horrible not paying for my half, and I insisted Edward let me. I looked to the floor and blinked. It was really good food. I stood and mumbled "I-I have to go to the bathroom…" He looked up from the check and a smile grew on his face that made my stomach feel like it was filled with feathers and not Italian food. I forced a smile back as he nodded and turned to start walking to the bathroom, which I'd seen when we walked in. I didn't want to go to the bathroom here. I hated going to public restrooms. They were dirty, and you never knew who was lurking around in the stalls. But it was almost the womanly time and walking out with an unnoticed red stain would be completely embarrassing.

In the other room there was a little family who looked like they were celebrating something. There were balloons, a mom, a dad, and an older daughter. I flinched and watched without being too obvious. The mom wrapped her arms around the daughter and kissed her forehead. The father grinned like he'd won the Mega Million Jackpot. "I love you, Cassie…" The mom said, grinning widely and holding her daughter in a loving embrace. I bit my lip and forced myself to keep walking.

But stupid me didn't see that there was a waiter in my path. I walked right into him. He dropped the glass he was carrying and I felt a few shards go into me. He fell backwards and I fell forewords, landing on top of him. He stared up at me, shocked, and wrapped and arm around me loosely, patting my back "Miss, are you ok?" The gruff voice with a heavy Italian accent asked. Now, to anyone else, to someone normal, this would've been a totally harmless gesture. But I was not normal, need I remind you.

The real word was lost to me and I was sent back into flashbacks. I screamed out in terror and cried, not even being able to see what was really going on. I screamed in terror as I relived those vivid, painful memories:

_All his friends had left. I was crying and moaning out. Oh god, it hurt so bad. I couldn't take it. I wanted him to just kill me right there. The pain wasn't worth it. I'd rather die. I silently pleaded I'd die. I knew it was a possibility. I was lying in a pool of my own blood. Was he gone? Could I open my eyes? I opened them only to see him, smirking at me. I started to scream again but he silenced me with his hand. Only…there was something in his hand that fell into my mouth. He plugged my nose "Swallow it." He ordered. I did as he was told so I could breathe. He let go of my nose and I took a deep breath._

_I soon found out what he'd made me swallow. The pain just…disappeared. First at my finger tips and the tips of my toes, and then my legs, my arms, and finally my whole body. I tried to scream, but I couldn't What was going on? I tried to move, but the most I could do was twitch my finger tips. Oh no…My eyes worked. He laughed as he wrapped his arms around my lifeless body and held me close. His hand traveled up my shirt and to my breasts, squeezing them and then removing my shirt and bra completely._

_My pants were already off, and he just held me on the floor, licking me, touching me, squeezing me. Oh god please kill me…_

Reviews, please.

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	9. Hmmmmhmmmm

_Just as my mind wandered back to Bella, the whole restaurant was silenced by a piercing, terrified scream coming from the other room. The same room that Bella had gone into. "Bella," I whispered and bolted upwards out of my seat, towards the other room. I knew that scream. I'd heard it this morning. But this time it was much, much worse._

Once I got into the other room, it wasn't hard to find her. Everyone in there was staring. The diners, the waiters, and I think the manager was gaping too. The sight shocked me and made my legs freeze where they stood. Bella was curled up in a ball, crying and screaming in pure, raw, terror. What had happened?

There was someone next to her, grabbing her shoulder and shaking her. In a heavy accent, he said "Miss? Miss you ok, miss? S'cuse me miss? Miss?" I growled in disgust. With every shake he gave her, her screams grew louder and more frantic. Whatever he was doing to her had to stop.

I walked over and grabbed the man's shirt, pulling him to his feet "What did you do to her?" I growled. His beady brown eyes looked terrified as he stuttered out "I-I no do nothing! She trip over me, she starts a-screaming! I don't know what a-wrong!" I furrowed my brow at him and let him go. He seemed like he was telling the truth, so he was of no use to me now.

I knelt down beside Bella "Bella…" I whispered gently. Her face was half covered, but I could see that a small spot on her forehead was bleeding and sweat was beading down her forehead "Bella…" I tried again softly, and moved a strand of her hair from her face. Surprisingly, her screams quieted a tiny amount. Seeing that worked, I did it again.

"Bella…" I ran two fingertips down her arm gently. Her screams quieted more, and soon enough died down. Now she was sobbing so hard and so violently, that she was shaking.

"Bella…shhhh it's okay Bella…" I leaned down and whispered into her ear. She whispered and her eyes opened just a crack. She looked to me and wrapped both her arms around my neck. I pulled her close to my chest and pat her back as she cried. "It's okay, Bella…shhh….don't cry…it's ok…" She sobbed and made me shake too because of her shaking.

I closed my eyes and began to hum her a little song. She cried into me and we sat there for a while. Me humming to her and waiting for her cries to die down. Soon, they ceased altogether and she shivered lightly, still holding onto me and hiding her face in my, now bloody, shirt. I put my arm under her thin legs and picked her up so that she was still holding onto me. After going to the table and throwing down a crisp $100, I walked out to the car and placed her in the back seat.

At a red light near the house, I turned my hear to her to see that she was looking down, with a few silent tears sliding down her cheeks. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, Bella." She looked up at me and nodded.

"Th-thank you," She said in a horse voice and winced. I nodded and gave a small smile, turning back to the road and driving the rest of the way home.

The only think she told me was the thing I already knew, that she tripped over a waiter. That's how two small shards of glass got into her forehead. I took them out and put band aids on them for her.

I'd tucked her in and she looked up at me, eyes red and bloodshot from the crying. I hated the depressed fog that clouded her eyes. It made me sad and I felt helpless like I couldn't do anything about it. "Well, goodnight Bella. Get some rest." I turned and took one step towards the door, when I felt a small tug on my wrist. My head turned and I saw that it was Bella, who'd taken a gentle hold on my sleeve.

"N-no…don't go…" She said softly. I started at her questioningly and tilted my head to the side "Could you…do it again..? Th-the humming…? Could you do it again…?" She asked, her eyes getting wide. She looked like she was going to cry again, and I just couldn't say no.

"Sure," I said with a smile. She scooted over and I sat in the bed next to her. She closed her eyes and I began to hum the same tune I did in the restaurant. Her face got all calm and almost looked happy. I hummed for about 10 minutes and before I could react, her head was pressed against my side and her hand was clenching the side of my jacket. And before I could tell her to let me go, she was already asleep.


	10. Snoreeee

I woke before he did. The first thing that registered that I had a monster headache. I let out a small moan and put a hand to my head, then winced when I felt the cut on my head, which was now neatly covered with a band aid.

The next thing I noticed- well, realized actually, was the events that happened the previous night. I totally spazzed in public. Crap. Edward must think I'm a total nutcase now. Maybe he's sending me to a loony bin. I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe I belonged there, with the rest of the freaks.

But it took me until I realized that my head was moving up and down slowly for some reason to remember the events that followed after we left the restaurant:

_It was so dark. He kept touching me. I tried to scream but to no avail. I was frozen. Just a statue. Suddenly, the whole room shook. Like an earthquake, only not. It was like…a wave of calm. I almost stopped trying to scream. Then it happened again. Then again. Then it didn't stop. The calm washed over me and I stopped screaming, unsure of why I wasn't terrified anymore. Strangely enough, the walls around me started fading. Then everything was fading away. Then, I wasn't at that house anymore. I was in the restaurant. Edward was whispering in my ear. Tears came to my eyes. It wasn't real. It was only a hallucination. I was trapped, and he brought me out of it. _

_I wrapped my ears around him and he pulled me close, allowing me in and all my pathetic-ness to cry into him in public. Then he started humming to be. A sweet tune that went into my head and calmed my thoughts. It was a familiar tune…I remember when…Tears came to my eyes at the realization of the familiarity of the song. I buried my head into his chest, and just listened to the tune that brought me back to happier days._

The rest came in glimpses. We stayed like that for what seemed like a long time, but went by too fast. I remember feeling the cold air of outside, and then the warm heater in the car as we drove to his house. He said something to me on the ride home, but it was all a blur. I remember he put a band aid on the cut I got, and then…ohmygod. My head turned slowly and I finally remembered that I was snuggling into him. My head was gently resting against Edward. Fucking. Cullen.

I momentarily forgot my shock at the sight of the sleeping face of the sleeping figure. It was so peaceful. There was no annoying crease on his forehead, due to the worried look he always gave me. His lips weren't pursed like they almost always were a sign of him trying to think of the right way to say things so that I wouldn't burst into tears or something. Well, crap. I guess that was all out the window now due to last night's events.

I reached out and brushed a few hairs from his forehead. His arm was around me gently, so I moved slowly to not wake him up. He let out a little whimper in his sleep and my mouth twitched upwards into a small smile before I even realized it. What was I doing? My hand moved away from his face.

He woke about an hour after I did. I looked up at him and our eyes met. There was a look of tenderness for a second, followed by a look of embarrassment. His cheeks blushed and I couldn't help but smile a little bit.

"Are you ok?" Was the first thing he asked me, followed by a yawn.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"I'll make breakfast today," He said softly, his eyes looking to the band aid on my forehead. His brow crinkled in worry and I had the strange urge to move my hands over it to smooth it out, like my hand was some kind or forehead iron. Thought I felt bad for making him cook, I couldn't really protest. I had a huge head ache and my throat was sore from screaming so much last night.

He closed his eyes again sleepily, and I thought he was going to fall back asleep. That's when I remembered his arm was around me. "Um, Edward…" I said softly. His green eyes opened back up and met my gaze.

I forgot what I was going to say then. We just stared at each other. I wasn't sure what the look in his eyes was, but I hoped it was good. It was soft and sort of warm. And….just short of amazing.

"Well, well, well. Are we interrupting something?" I jumped as there was another voice. Both of our heads whipped to the doorway to my room where the voice came from.

And standing there was this short little shrimpy girl with a smirk on, and a taller, calm looking man who was holding her hand. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. Just _what_ were they interrupting?


	11. Knock Knock! Er, or not

**Ahaha!! We've passed the 10k mark!! I'd like to just be a dork and thank everyone whose reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story. 3 I probably wouldn't still be writing this story if it weren't for you guys. 3**

**Losta Alice next chapter, prooomiiseee. And I've finally figured out how this story is going to end. I'll give you one hint: The ending is _killer_. Interpret that however you may, but you'll probably be wrong ;)**

**This chapter is dedicated to emma183 who called me a legend ;D**

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"Alice!?" What was she doing here!? She just let herself in! Bella looked absolutely terrified, and I'm sure my expression was similar in comparison. We broke our magnetic lock of eyes and looked to them. And she'd brought Jasper with her. Bella stared at them, frozen like a timid little lamb or something.

Alice got this little smirk on her face and wiggled her eyebrows at me. Oh god. What did she think I was doing!? Sure, it did look bad. I mean, we were lying in bed together. Her head was still resting on my chest, brown waves sprawled around. My mind couldn't help but stay away from the current situation and onto her. She looked like a little child. Bella was so…_No! Your baby sister just walked in on you doing __nothing__ with a girl! This is not the time for your creepy stalker-ish thoughts! _I realized.

My eyes whipped back to Alice, clearing my throat. My voice was a little shaky though when I asked "Alice, Jasper…..what are you two doing here?" There was an annoyed edge to my voice. They could've knocked. _But no door ever stops Alice._

"Um Eddie…" She said and rolled her eyes "I told you I was coming over." We both stared at each other for a minute. The wheels in my brain slowly turned until I remembered that Alice texted me the previous night to tell me that she was coming over.

"Oh. _Oh_." I moaned, pulling a hand over my face, sighing. How stupid. I can't believe I forgot. Although, anyone in the same predicament would've forgotten one little detail like that. I mean, Bella was screaming in the restaurant out of pure terror. Alice was the last thing from my mind.

Bella was still completely still as I slowly started to get up. As my stomach moved from under her chest, she gave me a look that made my heart squeeze. She was scared. I gave her a reassuring look. Alice may've looked intimidating by her determined and ultimately stubborn nature, but at 4 foot 10 inches, she wouldn't hurt a fly. Well, as long as she got her way. Her features softened a little, and she turned her head away from me.

"You must be Bella!" Alice launched herself onto Bella and hugged her tightly.

"Um…h-hi...?" Bella mumbled, her voice muffled by Alice's shoulder.

"Edward has to have told you about me! I'm his sister, Alice! Now get dressed little missy!"

"Why…?"

"We're going shopping. Duh!" Bella's eyes widened and she looked to me timidy. I shrugged.

"Just do it Bella. It's best to give into her now, rather than say no and then finally agree after she throws a tantrum." I smirked at Alice and she stuck her tongue out at me.

"Well I'm taking Bella by myself!" Alice said and held Bella possessively. She looked terrified. "No boys allowed!" Jeez, she sounded like she was in second grade. And I thought she'd gotten over cooties. She pulled Alice away from us, away from me and into her room to pick out her clothes.

I stared after them for a long while, hoping Alice wasn't torturing Bella too much over there. Yes, I was very worried. Bella was so fragile. Especially after last night. After a few minutes I looked back to Jasper. He was staring at me with a calm, knowing smile. "What?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"You like her, don't you Edward?" I blinked a few times. My hair stood on edge. Did I like her?

I decided beating around the bush would be best "Alice? Well of course I do! Sure she can be annoying sometimes, well all the time bu-"

"Edward." He interrupted me, his face growing serious. "We both know you know who I was talking about." I didn't say anything for a while. Thoughts swam through my head.

"I…I don't know Jasper. I mean, I think I do…but I'm not sure. I mean, I feel sad for her because of what she's had to go through. But...love her? I don't know…" I felt so stupid for rambling like an idiot. But Jasper didn't mind.

"I thought that's what Alice thought of me at first…that she was confusing her feelings. She was just sorry for me, you know?" He gave a little laugh and put an hand on his forearm, rubbing it up and down. I looked at the underside of his arm absently. The puncture scars in the skin were visible from even here. I sighed.

"Yeah, but this could be different…I mean, there's no way she likes me back." There was no way in hell she liked me like that. We barely knew each other. She was sad all the time. What happened yesterday, she didn't think anything more of that did she…? Did I? I couldn't just leave her alone to scream and be scared. What normal person would do that? But the way she rested her head on my chest…what was that about?

"You'd be surprised. Bella needs help…she's not well. I can see it in her eyes. She's sad over something…and she's scared." I blinked up at him in surprise and stood up, turning my back to him to make my bed.

"Scared? Why would she be scared?"

"I have no idea…Don't ask her about it. If she wants to tell you, she'll tell you." He said and clapped my back with his hand. I sighed and smoothed over the part of the sheets where she was lying. It was still warm…I smiled. But…why?

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**As always, reviews are mucho appreciated. Also, I know you all have probably heard about her, but check out my awesome friend Yami416 on here. She has some really AMAZING stories. Part of the reason I started fanficing. Sooo yeah. Check her stuff out kthxbai. ;D**


	12. Cha Ching! Again?

**Hahaha, guys I know. It's been a while. =)**

**Well, I presume that after you read this chapter, you're all going to go "Oh, I know where this story is going. LOL yay." Hahaha. Well if you really think that you know, my dears I assure you you're wrong. Unless you're secretly Edward Cullen and you can read my mind. In that case, you know what's going to happen. Shhh. Don't spoil it for the others. =)**

**This chapter goes to my friends on this wacky little site called blogtv. It is the ode to tears, depression, hella lotta angryness, and all around....the bestest damn time evar. =)**

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I stared at the little woman that was Edward's sister. She was going through my closet quickly. I could see the frustrated look that painted her face. With just one glace at what she was wearing, I could clearly tell our styles were completely different. The closed she had on were short and cute and revealing and looked like you had to peel them off at night. My wardrobe consisted of long sleeves, sweaters, and whatever covered up as much of me as possible. I didn't give a shit what I looked like. I knew I was just ugly. That's it. No point in trying to hide that behind cute clothes and makeup and all that crap.

"Bella…." She sighed. "What are we going to do with you? You have nothing to wear. Nothing. This is horrible. That's it. We're going shopping." She decided. My eyes widened at the fact of shopping for TWO days in a row. My eyes turned to the clock. It was noon already? How long were Edward and I laying there?

"Alice, I really don't think that's necessary-"

"Nonsense, Bella! None of these clothes are right! We NEED to go shopping. You can't wear any of these if you want to impress Edward." My mouth dropped.

"What are you talking about, Alice?" I asked, defensively. She didn't know me. She had no idea how I felt about Edward. Edward was a stranger. Edward was…nice. He made my bad dreams go away that one night, and the time at the restaurant…

"Bella. It's pretty obvious. You love him." I stood quickly and crossed my arms. She looked at me and waved her hand dismissively, waving off my anger and turning her attention back to the closet. This girl was so…so annoying….was she really Edward's sister? It was hard to believe.

"What proof do you have of that?" I asked angrily.

"Oh, please! We walked in and you too were staring at each other like you'd found a way to fuck each other with your eyes." She looked back at me, taking in my wide eyes and shocked expression and returning it with a sly grin. "Well, anyway. I can tell Edward likes you." No. That was impossible. He didn't like me. Even if he did, that would soon change. Everyone starts to hate me soon enough. It's just how it goes. No one likes an emo like me. No one. And especially not Edward fucking Cullen.

"What proof do you have of that?" I asked again, angrily. This little pixie had no right! No right! She just walked in here and criticized my clothes and told me that people liked me, when I was sure that was impossible!! Impossible! I wanted to tell her off, right then and there. But my tongue tied. I thought back to what Edward had said earlier: _It's best to give into her now, rather than say no and then finally agree after she throws a tantrum. _Well, that's it. I was trapped. I could tell Edward nor myself would want to deal with a tantrum. Even her husband looked a little scared by that situation. Was it really that bad? Sure, she was getting pissed now, because of my clothes. But could it really get that bad? Edward must know, it's his sister. I pictured in my head Alice, this short little fairy girl, yelling at Edward and Jasper, two grown men. To my surprise, I let out a little chuckle.

"You say something?" She called back to me, obviously preoccupied with her task at hand.

"U-Uh, no." I answered back, deciding not to pursue the answer to my question. Edward Cullen didn't like me. And that was the end of that. And if he did, I'd probably eat a hat. Cause no one likes Bella Swan. No one.

She threw something onto my bed. It was a sweater. It was burgundy and long sleeved (that goodness) and was…._ugh, V-Neck_. Edward talked me into/forced me to get it. I agreed begrudgingly, knowing in my mind I would never wear that. _Ever. _She then tossed a simple pair of jeans onto my bed. Thank goodness that's all I had.

Alice closed my closet and looked to me, pursing her lips "That'll have to do. Get dressed and put some makeup on and then we'll go!" She chirped.

"Makeup?" I'd never even attempted putting makeup on. Whoever thought stabbing your eyes with a pencil and putting weird paints and substances on their face needed to be examined. Alice looked at me like_ I_ needed to be examined.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…" She sighed and pat her purse "Good thing I have this, or we'd be in serious trouble." I stared at her purse. What could be in there. I had a feeling it was makeup. Might as well have been a gun.

A half an hour of her trying to make me look decent with the use of fancy high end makeup products and I protested she stop. After 10 minutes of whining, she agreed. Not even the most expensive makeup could cover a face built on ugliness and depression. My hair was limp and lifeless, not even styling creams and gels and other useless items could lift my mud brown hair off its roots. I looked disgusting. But, Alice didn't think so.

"Alice, I'm not going out with all this crap on my face." I said, feet planted firmly on the ground and determined to not move from this position until she'd put the makeup away.

"But, Bella, you look gorgeous! The sweater brings out your eyes, and so does the eyeliner. You look pretty. I'm sure Edward will think so too." She chirped, emphasizing his name.

I shook my head, but reluctantly let her get away with going all Picasso on my face. She took my hand and opened the bathroom door, dragging me out and looking to the guys, who were droning out in front of the television. The news reporter's voice blared out of the set, and the concerned looks on Edward and Jaspers faces forced us to silence as we listened along.

''_Tonight at 11, more news on the serial killer shaking the Seattle area. While his identity is unknown at this time, it is known that he has killed seven people. The latest being yesterday morning in a Port Angeles residents home. The killer has been known to strike in Port Angeles and Seattle alone, but it is unclear where he will strike next. It is known that he drives a Black Ford Sudan with tinted windows. News on this story is coming in as we speak, and we'll come to you with that as soon as we can. I'm Ashley Storm, with the channel five news.''_

"Huh," Alice mumbled, "That's strange…" Her voice must've snapped the boys out of their trance, because they looked up at us immediately after.

They both smiled and stood, but that was the only thing their actions had in common after that point. Jasper walked over to Alice and took her in her arms, looking to me "You look very nice, Bella," then returned his gaze to his wife. Edward walked over and looked at me, a crooked grin playing at his lips. It was as if he could read my mind. He could sense my uncomfortable-ness…and he found it amusing. I stared at him and he stared back, having a conversation with our eyes. He was teasing me. I was blushing. When was the last time I blushed? My hand moved up to my cheek and rested there, as if making sure the blush was real. It was.

He was making me blush. Edward fucking Cullen was making me blush.

But there was something else in his eyes. An underlying tone of some other kind of expression he was conveying but trying to hide. What was it? Whatever it was, it made me want to squirm in my place and look down. I didn't know what to say. But what was it? What did his eyes say?

I couldn't get that out of my mind as Alice took me shopping. Looking at clothes. Thinking about Edward. Trying on clothes. Thinking about his eyes. Checking out. Thinking about his smile. Edward, Edward, _Edward_. What are you doing to me?

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**Reviews for eye-sex.**


	13. Om nom nom

**Okay. It's almost 1AM and I'm going to post this up real fast so I can go sleep.**

**Thank you all for bearing with me the past few weeks. I know I've neglected this story, but hopefully in the next few weeks I can start updating regularly again.**

**Enjoy!**

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After shopping, we met the boys at a burger place in Port Angeles. I stared at the menu absently as they all talked animatedly. Alice was going on about the shirts and things that she bought me. Japser was talking with her about what he should order. Edward wasn't talking, as I soon realized. He was looking at the menu too, but was also watching me. My eyes turned up at him and my brown orbs met his beautiful green ones. He gave a small smile. I forced one back, and saw the sadness cloud in his eyes along with that action. Could he tell it was forced?

"Soooo Bella!!!" Alice snapped both of us out of out magnetic gaze. "Don't you love love love your new clothes?? They're soooo much better than the other ones that were in your closet. " I looked to her, annoyed.

"I liked the clothes I had before… " They were…sensible. Sure, they weren't flashy and sequeny, and none of them had short sleeves for obvious reasons, but I liked them. Plus, Edward bought them for me. I blinked, wondering why I thought that was a factor in my liking them.

"Yes…but those were so….so drab. You like the new ones I got you, right? Right?" Then she gave me these big, wide-eyes, puppy dog eyes. I clenched my teeth and smiled begrudgingly.

"Of course I like them, Alice. I love them. Thank you so much for getting them for me." She grinned and hugged me from her spot next to me in the booth. I looked to Edward and saw his eyes were amused. Inadvertently, he took a pen from his pocket and scribbled on his napkin. He slid the napkin towards me, and I read his beautiful cursive.

'Now even you, Bella Swan, can resist Alice's evil powers.' I smiled genuinely and rolled my eyes, reaching over and taking the pen from his hand.

'Shut up and read your menu.' He read what I wrote to him and let out a chuckle, nudging my shin with the tip of his shoe teasingly. I blushed. I looked up from the note and saw that Alice and Jasper were eyeing both of us supiciously. I looked down and blushed harder. Alice opened her mouth to say something, but just as she was about to, the waited came to take our orders. Thank goodness.

"I'll have the garden burger," Alice ordered. Why did that not surprise me? No wonder she was skinny as a stick. "Oh, and sweet potato fries!"

The waiter nodded and wrote hers down "And for you ma'am?" He looked to me.

"I-I'll have the bacon c-cheeseburger, w-with shoestring f-f-fries." Damn it! Why did I always clam up when talking to strangers? It was so pathetic. I looked down, shutting my eyes tight in my own embarrassment.

The guys ordered and waiter went to the kitchen to give the cook our orders. I looked down, eyes shut tight in my own pitiful embarrassment. I felt the familiar little nudge on my shin and looked up at Edward, seeing that his face was soft and his eyes were beautifully shining at me. 'It's ok," He mouthed and offered a reassuring smile.

I looked down, still embarrassed. I hated the fact that I made Edward pretend to care and comfort me in my stupid…stupidity. Damn him for being so gentlemanly and making sure I was ok…

"I-I'll be right back." I found the idea of going to the bathroom in a public place by myself scary and a little disgusting, but I needed to clear my head, and maybe taking this damn makeup off would help a little.

I slid out of the booth without making eye contact with anyone, and strode to the bathroom quickly. I must've looked like a mess, stumbling and closing my eyes tight, almost to the point where I couldn't see where I was going.

I rushed into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. This wasn't me. Well, technically speaking, it was. But it still wasn't. I hate makeup. Whose knows what could be in it?! Nothing could cover up my ugly, and it only dramatized the ugliness that was my face. I gasped two shaky breaths, feeling dizzy and like I couldn't breathe. My heart raced. In anger and frustration, I ripped a piece of paper towel from the dispenser and wet it with water, splashing it onto my face.

It was a stupid move, and I realized this as the mascara and eyeliner seeped into my eyes and made them burn. I rubbed the vigorously, only making me look even more ridiculous. There was a giant black ring of makeup around each eye, and the foundation or whatever she put on me was streaking with the water and dripping down my face.

It was childish and stupid, but I hung my head, put my head in my hands, and began to cry. Out of embarrassment, frustration, and because the makeup stung my eyes so damn bad. I let the tears fall for a good while. It probably wasn't that long, but it felt like forever.

I clenched the countertop to stop my hands from shaking, and took deep breaths until my heart stopped breathing and my teeth stopped chattering. Once I composed myself, I did the best to wipe the makeup off my face. There was still noticeable black under my eyes and I thankfully got all the foundation off. I walked over to the exit and opened the door. What I saw there shocked.

Edward.

He was standing there, looking down at the ground, waiting for me. He looked nervous and awkward, like he didn't really know what to do. When he saw me, his head shot up and he walked to me. "B-Bella!" He said, looking at my disheveled appearance in slight shock. My cheeks burned under his appraising gaze, feeling nervous and extremely self-conscious.

"I wanted to make sure you're allright…." He said softly, sensing my nervousness and bending a little to get a closer look at me. "You washed the makeup off, I see…" I could only nod, feeling the tears well up again in my eyes. He reached his hand up and gently brushed a black stained tear from my eye gently with his ring finger.

"It's okay, Bella…I think you're prettier without…"

Before I could even stop and be rational about what I was doing, I shot forwards and held onto Edward. He was different, when he touched me it didn't make me scared, like any other guy who I might bump into or touch by accident. I could find comfort in him. And for the second time that night, I started to cry.

Edward tensed for a little bit before relaxing and putting his arms around me, patting my back and whispering that it was okay. I let him lead both of us out of the restaurant, discovering that Alice and Jasper had already left. Probably couldn't stand to be near me any longer.

We sat in his car in the parking lot for a little while. I could tell he had no idea what to do, and I was only making the situation worse because my eyes wouldn't listen when I told them to stop crying. Out of nowhere, he turned to me and said "We keep ending up like this, eh?"

And I don't know why it was funny, or if it was even meant to be, but I started laughing. And laughing hard too. Like a maniac. The feeling was different and new, because who knows when was the last time I'd really laughed. But it felt good. He seemed a little stunned at first, but soon the corners of Edward's mouth twitched up and soon he was laughing too, his giggles similar in rhythm to mine. It felt so nice to share this moment of bliss with him in the midst of the crappy evening I had caused.

We stopped a few minutes later, me wiping laughing tears from my eyes and him holding his stomach and trying to suppress his chuckles. The moonlight shone through his window, and made his bronze hair glisten and shine, making it look like a beautiful bronze penny. I stared at it in amazement for a while before I saw that he was staring at me too. "Bella, I…" He looked down and then back up to me, "You okay…?"

And thought it wasn't really true, I nodded and said "Yes, I will be, Edward." He gave a little crooked smile, one that made my heart ache, and turned to the wheel. The ride home was silent, except for the whirring of the wind rushing past the car. I stared out the window as we move, and blinked when we came across a familiar place. It was a bridge. It was the St. Marcus Bridge, where I'd tried to take my life. I closed my eyes and let a few tears fall, wondering if it

was a mistake that Edward saved me. I was only causing him and his family trouble.

Once we got home, I scrubbed my face three times until it was red and burned a little. Then I went into the guest room and changed into soft, warm pajamas, and went under the covers.

It wasn't long before I got to sleep.

I dreamt, as always, but it was different this time. I was driving through the woods to go home, and suddenly I was crossing a bridge. Rain was pouring hard, and I just made out a moving figure in it. I stopped and stared. It took me a minute to realize who it was. It was Edward.

"Edward."

He was standing on the bridge and his knees were bent.

"Edward..!"

I screamed and rushed out of the car. I called his name, but my voice got lost in the thunder.

"Edward!!!"

He turned his head slowly, staring at me with eyes that showed they were in extreme pain. Was that what I looked like?

"EDWARD!"

I rushed towards him, but I was just a second too late. I watched as he fell and fell and fell. I screamed out and cried, watching him plummet to his death.

I was shocked out of the dream just before he crashed into the ground. Someone was shaking me hard, but gentle at the same time. "No, no, no!" I screamed and opened my eyes. Edward was dying! Someone needed to save him!

"Bella? Bella! I'm here, it's okay, it was just a bad dream…" His voice registered in my ears a few seconds late because of the disorientation of my dreams. I grabbed onto him and stared for a long time, tears coming down my face.

"Edward…?"

"Yes, Bella…I'm right here…" He whispered, our faces just inches apart.

"Oh, Edward…" I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead to touch his. "I thought I...you..." I let out a sob.

"Shhh shh shh, sweet Bella....I'm here, …I'm here…" He then lifted his head from mine and kissed my forehead. I looked at him and bit my lip. If Edward fell off, I…

No. That put it all into focus. No wonder I blushed in front of Edward. No wonder I got all nervous around him. And no wonder he took my breath away. No wonder I couldn't even contemplate a world without him. It was because I couldn't live without him. He was like a drug. I needed him. I…I loved him.

I loved Edward fucking Cullen.

"Edward…" I whispered and moved forwards, pressing my lips to his gently. His eyes widened, but soon his lids closed halfway and he wrapped his arms around my waist. Then he did something that astonished me. He closed his eyes completely and kissed me back. Could he possibly feel the same way…? Was that even possible? Edward Cullen, a rich, beautiful, author, had feelings for me. Me, Bella Swan, a plain, nothing special, waste of space. The most people ever thought of me was a suicide risk or a liability. But yet he returned the feeling; the soft, gentle passion that had been building up within me. Our kisses were gentle, exploring. We were testing the waters and seeing what each other was okay with. After a few minutes, he laid us both back in the bed and kissed the top of my head, holding me to him close. He chuckled and ran a hand through my hair.

"Sleep, Bella…" He whispered and smiled his beautiful smile. I gave a smile and closed my eyes, nestling close into him. I fell asleep soon, and for once I didn't even dream.

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**For those of you who like this story, I encourage you to check out my new stories, My Prey, My Savior, and Caged. It would mean so so much if you guys could tell me how you thought of those too, cause I really value your opinions. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated, as always.**


	14. Oh my gosh

Absolutely stunning.

That was the only fathomable way I could descrive the beauty that was sitting across from me. Stunning.

She tried to deny it, and I knew in her mind, her being beautiful was a far, far away truth. She thought she was disgusting, ugly. But, God, did I know better.

Bella seemed to be uncomfortable, being in public as much as she way. I had to hand it to her, she really handled a lot. It'd be the first time that she'd really been out of the house since her…accident…and she was doing okay. A little quiet, but then again, she always was.

My heart jumped a little when she basically told Alice that she preferred the clothes I bought her to the others. Probably because I bought her what she wanted, and not some overpriced, crazy looking thing.

I smiled at her as she bit her tongue and told Alice that she loved the clothes that she'd gotten her. I'd taken a peek at the shopping bags when Alice wasn't looking, and yikes. It was all lace and sparkly. Bella didn't go for that, and I knew she wouldn't find maybe one of the ten or fifteen garments Alice bought her wearable. Alice didn't understand that Bella didn't go for that stuff. Bella was simple…Bella was…

Beautiful, Bella was beautiful.

'Not even you, Bella Swan, can resist Alice's evil powers.' I scribbled on a napkin and pushed it towards her. She peered over at it, and I smiled as her features lit up in a real smile. A smile that reached her eyes. She wrote something back, and I looked as soon as I could, filled with curiosity.

'Shut up and look at your menu' I smirked and kicked her shin lightly. She was blushing, and I made a mental note that it would be fun to tease her in the future. That cute little pink blush was too good to forget about.

_The future._ Oh, what would the future bring? I already came to terms that I had feelings for Bella when Jasper and I were sitting at my house after the girls left. He insisted on watching the football game, his favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys, were playing, and, as the Civil War Junkie that he was, took great pride in the fact the southern state Texas beat the New York Giants. The game held no interest to me, so it allowed me time to think on what Jasper said. I knew there was no doubt she couldn't feel the same way. I mean, she was in a state of mind where love wasn't a possibility. She only saw me as the nice guy who saved her life and is letting her room with him for a little while, while she got back on her feet and stabilized herself. Nothing more.

We all ordered our burgers, and it hurt me to see Bella struggle through just placing the order. Was she that bad with strangers? Her eyes looked like they were just about to cry, and I mouthed that it was okay, hoping she wouldn't get too worked up. Bella didn't look allright though, she looked paler than usual, as if she was going to vomit. What was happening? Faster than I could blink, she was out of our booth and rushing to the bathroom. I watched after her until the door to the ladies room closed. When my eyes returned to the table, I could see two pairs of eyes watching me expectantly.

"What?" I asked, eyes wide. Did they think I caused this!?

"Well?" Alice questioned. When I offered no reply, she sighed "Aren't you going to go after her?"

"I-"

"You'd better go, she doesn't look so good." Jasper said, his mouth a tight line. "We'll cover the check, you just make sure she's okay." He said, a slight southern drawl noticeable. I nodded, somewhat dumbstruck. Alice gave me an encouraging smile and they both watched as I went to the bathroom door.

They left, and as time passed, and I waited. Waited, worried, and over-analyzed the situation. After a while, I began to think something happened in there. What if something happened in the bathroom? I couldn't hear anything from in there, and that was scaring me. She could've…I closed me eyes tight and raked fingers through my hair. No. She's fine, I told myself.

A few seconds later, my beautiful Bella stumbled out. She looked horrible; her face was smeared with the black makeup that was once solely on her eyes, her eyes were red and tears were still falling from them, though she looked like she was trying to hide it. "Bella!" I said in surprise. I kneeled a little so I could get a look at her. "I wanted to make sure you're all right…you washed the makeup off I see…" She only nodded, looking absolutely heartbreaking right there. I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her until her tears went away.

If only I could hold her.

I brushed a stray tear from her cheek, and then uttered something that immediately changed both of our lives forever " It's okay Bella, I think you're prettier without…" Then, like a little brown haired rocket, she shot forewords and clung onto me. I stood there dumbfounded a second, and then slowly wrapped my arms around her and pulling her close. It came true. I was holding her. And she was holding me back.

I whispered that it'd be okay, and massaged her back a little to get her to calm down. Whatever happened in the bathroom didn't matter. All that mattered was that beautiful Bella was crying. And that was a major problem.

When she was ready, I led her out to the car, opening and closing the door for her before getting in myself. I didn't know what to say, and she was still crying. I couldn't get it go on, it was agonizing to watch the tears fall from that beautiful face. Trying humor, I turned to her and blurted "We keep ending up like this, eh?" Immediately after I said it, I felt like an idiot. But, to my surprise, she began laughing. And hard, too. I stared at her, for a moment considering that she'd lost her mind. But the musical laughter that danced out of her mouth was contagious, and soon I was laughing along with her.

After the laughter died down, things got serious again. "You okay, Bella?" I asked softly.

"Yes, I will be Edward," It was a lie, and we both knew it. She was a bad liar.

I drove home in silence. She went straight to bed after that, and I went into the kitchen to think over what had just happened. Sure, she clung onto me for support, but only someone stupid would mistake it for more than it was. She just needed a friend to be there for her when she cried, and that's what I was. All I was.

Soon, I noticed that there were mumblings coming from Bella's bedroom. Was she having a bad dream? As I walked towards her room, her voice became louder, and it became known that she was screaming my name. I rushed in and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her as hard as I could while still being gentle.

She snapped out of it soon, her eyes opening but still glazed over from a dream wearing off, "Bella? Bella! I'm here, it's okay, it was just a bad dream…" Her eyes widened, now completely in this world, and she took my shoulders and stared at me, her face dangerously close to mine.

"Edward…?"

"Yes, Bella…I'm right here…" I whispered, my eyes reflecting into hers. Oh, they were so beautiful, even when horribly terrified.

"Oh, Edward…" She brought her head closer to mine, so close we touched foreheads "I thought I l…I thought you…oh Edward…"

"I'm here, Bella…I'm here…" I reached up and pressed my lips to her forehead. She stared at me then, in a sort of strange way, and I could tell she was thinking. What was she thinking about? If only I could peer into her head and get an insight on what thoughts were forming in that beautiful head of hers.

"Edward…" She whispered my name, and before I could react her soft, warm lips were pressed to mine in the gentlest of notions. My heart screamed as I gently kissed her back, not wanting to push her too hard or move to quickly. I wanted to savor the moment; to savor this beautiful moment with Bella.

Beautiful Bella.

My Bella.


	15. Triple Slice

**Ahhh! Long time no see everyone! I finally got this chapter done, and I'm really pleased with how it turned out. I think it's my favorite so far. :D Well, enjoy guys!**

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BPOV**

Three things I thought of right when I woke up.

The first: How great I felt. Not only did I just feel refreshed, I felt _good._ I couldn't remember the last time I felt that good. It was almost an alien feeling in me, feeling so out of place among the other, more prominent feelings.

The second: How amazing the pillow I had felt on my head. It was a little hard, yet not like a brick. And a little soft, but not mushy. It was warm, surprisingly, and it felt so relaxing along with the heartbeat that was coming from…it…

Which brings me to the third: How that pillow wasn't really a pillow. My eyes opened wide and I turned my head ever so slightly to confirm my suspicions. Yes, I was right. The pillow was not a pillow; it was the chest of Edward Cullen. A blush crept it's way up my cheeks and I moved to get up, only to find that I couldn't. His hand was gently wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him.

The events of the previous night popped into my mind and my blush deepened by the second. I couldn't believe how I'd made such a fool of myself in the restaurant in front of Edward, Alice, Jasper, and the whole other crowd of diners there. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ I remembered the nightmare I'd had, and the same eerie chills crawled up my spine, making me shiver inwardly. Then, finally, the kiss. I rested my now tomato shaded face onto his chest again, closing my eyes at the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

My eyes trailed their way up his body slowly, shamelessly ogling at him when I knew I wouldn't be caught. His T-Shirt was loose, but tight enough where I could still see his muscles peeking through, trying to stay hidden while at the same time showing their presence. When my eyes got to his face, a small smile grew on my face. He was asleep; his lips puffed out just a little, and copped hair wild and sticking out in every direction. I had the strangest urge to scream out and grin like an idiot. I didn't.

Peeking over at the clock, I saw it was just a little past 6, and decided to go back to sleep. Edward usually slept until at least 9, so I could go back to sleep. I closed my eyes, and as I drifted off, felt him shift slightly, let out a small noise, and tighten his grip on me. My heart squeezed just a little bit tighter.

I wished I could stay in this moment for ever, not just because I was feeling good for a change and Edward was with me, but this was just too damn comfortable. When I woke up a little later, I felt too lazy to even open my eyes.

Though I did, and the knowledge of where I was flooded to me again. Would I ever get used to that? _Woah, slow down Bella, you might not even be around long enough…_ My head berated _You're forgetting that it's you. He'll come to his senses soon and realize what a mess you are. Then it's back to cotton pillows. _I sighed softly. That was probably true.

I snapped out of my thoughts and tilted my head a little, to get a better look at his face. He was awake, his forest green eyes staring at the ceiling. "Hey," I called softly and retracted my arm from its position across his stomach.

His eyes shot to me, surprised. They were red, strangely enough. Maybe he was rubbing them "You're up," He stated emotionlessly.

"I am," Was my genius reply. _Nobel prize winning response there, Bella._

The warmth that was so present in his eyes last night was not there anymore. His eyes were cold and detached. "I'm going to make breakfast." He said and, without hesitation, got up out of bed and left the room. I stared after him, dumbfounded. What had just happened?

I got up a minute after him, and went into the bathroom to take a shower. I stepped into the shower and turned the water on hot, feeling the tension in my muscles ease as the scalding water pounded on my back. I was trying not to over think Edward's mood too much, but it was bugging me. Was he regretting kissing me? _Of course he was, Bella. Who wouldn't? _I closed my eyes, trying to get the negative voice out of my head. No matter how hard I tried, it remained. Just as it always had.

By the time I had washed my hair and gotten out of the shower, I was pretty sure that Edward was completely regretting the kiss. It was a mistake getting closer to him, and I knew it. He just couldn't handle someone as crazy as me. I thought to my current conditions. I had an apartment in Forks, but I'd no doubt been fired from my job after my long, unexplained absence. I'd have to find a job. Then I could go back home and at least try to pay off all my bills. I just knew I couldn't stay here. If things were too awkward for Edward, then I couldn't burden him anymore than I was.

I changed into a long sleeve and skinny jeans (Alice's idea, ugh), ran a brush through my hair and brushed my teeth, going in slow circles to calm myself down. Edward would think I was even crazier if I went to breakfast freaking out.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I realized the house was quiet. Very, very quiet. I walked into the kitchen, and there Edward was, clutching a cup of coffee with a bowl of cereal in front of him. If things weren't so strange, I would've laughed. Or course Edward's version of "making breakfast" was pouring some cereal. He couldn't cook for shit.

We sat there in silence, him sipping his coffee and staring intently at the cup, purposely not me and me staring down at my bowl of Frosted Flakes, stealing occasional glances at him, because they might be some of my last.

I was about to tell him that I would be moving back to my apartment soon, when he abruptly stood. "I'm going to get groceries," He uttered as he walked into his room and shut the door. I jumped at the slam that was made. Wow. He really was mad.

Edward came out a few minutes later. Without another word to me, he grabbed his keys and left his apartment. I stared at the front door, and finally let the tears come. Small sobs came out of me as I marched shamefully into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I sat on the cold, white tile, brought my knees to my chest, and rested my cheek on them, crying. Edward could've been one of the best, if not the best, things that ever happened to me. And it hurt, because he regretted every second of it.

Once I got my sniffles under control, I reached over and opened his cabinets, finding all too familiar his box of razors in the spot I was all too familiar of. I took of the safety cap and rolled up my sleeve, looking at all the other little lines that decorated my arm. With a whimper, I bought the blade to my wrist and sliced quickly. "I am insignificant," I whispered to myself. "I an unloved," I brought the razor down a little and sliced again, this one a little deeper and a little move painful. An involuntary wince came from me, and I watched as a thread of blood found it's way to the surface, "I am…" I poised the blade a little farther down, closer to the crook of my elbow "unimportant…" With that word I sliced the hardest, biting my lip to prevent a moan and throwing my head back to rest on the wall. Letting out a sigh, I stood and washed my arm until the blood stopped, then pulled my sleeve back over the cuts so they were nice and hidden.

I stepped out of the bathroom once all the evidence of my little activity was gone and walked back into the kitchen to clean the dishes and the kitchen. The cleaning kept me busy, and I was relieved to forget about the problems at hand, even if it was just for a little while.

My head snapped up as I heard the rumble of his garage door opening. The butterflies in my stomach returned, and I was nervous all over again. Though, this time, it wasn't for his kiss, it was for his regret and his anger. Edward walked into the kitchen, his expression unreadable, and set once plastic bag on the counter. Then, he spun on his heel and left the kitchen, going back into the bathroom.

I took off my rubber gloves and turned off the sink, walking over to the bag to unpack whatever it was he bought. Knowing Edward, it would probably be ice cream cartons or some frozen food.

It wasn't frozen food.

In that bag, filled almost all the way, were boxes upon boxes of razors. I blinked a few times, trying to register this. Why had he gone all the way to the store to get so many razors?

My head shot up as I heard a noise, and I found that he was watching me through the doorway in the kitchen. His face was serious and cold like stone. "Why did you buy so many razors…?" I asked.

Edward, keeping his face the same, walking over to me slowly, and leaned on the countertop opposite to me. Then, with a voice that matches his cold eyes, said, "I thought you might need them."

I stared at him, eyes widened and mouth open just slightly. Some might think that he was just trying to be considerate, but he was far from it. This wasn't a kind gesture. It was a message. Somehow he'd found out that I wasn't just using the razors for my armpits and legs. "Edward…w-what are you talking a-abou-"

"Please, Bella, don't play me for a fool. I know about it. So you can just cut that crap right now." I gasped and backed up a step. "Do you enjoy doing that to yourself?" He said, his words sharp like daggers "Does it feel nice?" He reached his hand into the bag and pulled out a package. Then, he opened the package and pulled out a razor. No. "Because…" He removed the safety cap. No no no… "I don't see much pleasure in this…" In one swift motion, he slid the razor over his wrist, cutting himself. I gasped and tears found their way to my eyes. "Or this," He did it again, I bit my lip so hard I thought it was going to start bleeding "or…this." Another slide toward the bottom of his arm, almost in the spot where I'd made mine not an hour earlier.

"Please stop!" I finally found my voice and squealed at him, grabbing his hand in one of my arms and pulling the razor out of his other hand.

"Why?" He asked, his eyes angry and his voice acidic "Does it hurt _you_ to see _me_ like this!" He shouted at me. I cowered away from him, finding myself backed into a corner in the counter. "How do you think it feels for me to see _this?_" He shot forewords and grabbed my wrist, holding it out in front of us and pulling the sleeve down to reveal a plethora of cuts I'd inflicted over the past years, months, days, and most recently, minutes. I yelped out, feeling a little pain from the cuts and his tight grip. Tears streamed down my face and I couldn't look at him. I was too ashamed.

"I…"

"No! Save your excuses, Bella! I don't want to hear it! Honestly, Bella, how could you do something so disgusting to yourself!" He reprimanded.

I must've gone crazy then, because something clicked in my head, and his words repeated over and over in my head. _'..how could you do something so disgusting to yourself!' _So, that was it. He thought I was disgusting.

Somehow, I found the courage to rip my arm away from him and shout "Well, I'm sorry, Edward! I'm sorry that I'm not as perfect as you! And I'm sorry I don't have a perfect ass family like you! With perfect mom and dad, and your perfect sister, and every ones all happy doo and in love! And I'm sorry that I'm so _disgusting_ to you, Edward! I'm sorry that I hate who I am so much that I just want to _die _and do the world a god damn service! I'm sorry that this pain that I have that I have felt slight relief of through cutting myself is just oh, so _disgusting _to you! Maybe if I'm just so, _disgusting_, I should just leave, and stop _contaminating_ your perfect life!"

Edward was quiet after that for a minute. When he responded, his voice was quiet, but still held the hated it had before "Maybe you should." That confirmed it. Without another word, I pushed past him and walked to the front door.

Now, you might be thinking at this point, that Edward shouted, "Wait!" just as my hand touched the knob and I stopped and he ran to me and kissed me right there, telling me how much he loved me and that it hurt him to see me in pain, stopped me from ever walking out that door and away from his house forever.

It never happened.

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**I know! Curse cliffies! But do not fret, the new chapter should be out soon (and I actually mean it this time). Now that this is up, I can finally sleep. x)**

**If you have any questions, drop 'em to me in the reviews and I'll try to answer them (provided they won't give away the plot or they aren't completely stupid (: )**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


	16. Climb climb climb!

**Enjoy!**

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I knew I should go after her. I was so mad, oh, I was mad, but I wasn't stupid. Behind all my rage, I knew, deep down, that this was all very, very wrong, and I should go after her before she gets any farther than my porch step.

But I let her go, and it took me about an hour after to fully feel the deep, painful regret at what I'd just done. I put my head in my hands and tore my fingers through my hair, as if making chunks of hair come out of my head would magically solve everything. _Go after her, dumbass._ My brain told me. Ugh. I was so stupid. Of course.

But…how would I find her?

I had no idea where she would go.

I had no idea where she hung out when she was sad.

I had no idea anything about her.

I closed my eyes tight, the pain of the worry of the fear that something had happened to her washing over me. I felt helpless; like I would if I were watching Bella cut herself and could do nothing about it.

Like Bella would if I cut myself and she could do nothing about it.

Like I did.

Damn, I was an idiot.

I took the bag of razors I bought and threw them out, feeling shameful about the whole thing. If Bella feels that horrible about herself, then confronting her like that was not the way to do it. I should've talked to her and let her know I cared and was there for her. Instead I freaked her out. She looked terrified. And then she was just angry. The way she yelled at me swam inside my brain and burned me.

I had to find her.

But how? Bella could be well on her way to Port Angeles right now.

I went into her room, looking around for anything that might give me a clue as to where she would go. But I was wasting my time; the only items Bella had were the thing I'd bought for her. It never occurred to me that she had an apartment that she needed to take care of. She could've had a job, a life, and I just whisked her away from all of that. The self-hate was growing now, and I considered it best that I just left Bella alone so she could get back to her life.

But her kiss…that had to mean something, right? In college I'd taken a psychology class, and we'd learned that people who were depressed simply didn't have the capacity to love. Everything was overcome by the shadow of sadness that was depression, and nothing mattered.

I sat on her bed, sighing. I was going in circles in my head, and none of this was getting Bella any closer to safety. I resolved to get out of her life only after I found her and made sure she was safe and wasn't wandering off.

I looked out the window. The sun was starting to set, painting the sky a golden color. The sun shone through the window, and something shone off of it, into my eyes. I squinted at the brightness and got up, walking closer to inspect what it was. I gasped. A cell phone.

Bingo.

Picking it up, I inspected it, crinkling my nose. It was beaten up, probably getting banged up due to its clumsy owner. It was a small, cheap, pay-as-you-go phone. Oh, that wouldn't do at all. I know I promised to stay out of her life, but before that I at least needed to buy her a phone.

I powered it on; the background was the generic default that the phone had come with. Didn't she have pictures? Even though I felt like I was intruding, my curiosity got the best of me, and I went to her pictures. None. She didn't have any pictures of her family? I know my phone was littered with pictures of Alice and my other brother Emmet, and their spouses Jasper and Rosalie. It was a little strange, but I figured she didn't care much for pictures and went on with what I was going to do.

I went to the contacts and scrolled to the D's. Huh, that was strange, no "Dad". I scrolled to the F's. No "Father" either. Lastly, I scrolled to the M's. No "Mom" or "Mother". Why wouldn't her parents be in her contacts? Maybe they didn't have phones. It took a lot of convincing for Mom and Dad to get phones, they were stuck in the past. Sometimes it seemed like they were from another century.

Going with Plan B, I simply tried the first contacts on the list. "Angela".

She answered on the second ring, "Bella?" Her voice was soft, yet surprised. Had I made a mistake calling her?

"Uhm, no.." I said, awkwardly "My name is Edward, Bella's…" I hesitated, "…friend. S-she kind of, ran off…and I'm worried about her. Do you know where she hangs out, or where she might go?"

There was a pause on the phone, and I thought she'd hung up, until I heard her voice again, this time wary, and uncertain "Erm…the only place I know she might hang out is the park in back of the elementary school…" She said. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least the was something?

"Thank you," I whispered, balancing the phone between my shoulder and cheek while I slid on my jacket and got my keys.

"No trouble…" Angela trailed off, and I suspected she wanted to say something else. I paused before hanging up, allowing her to say whatever she was going to. "Is Bella doing okay…?"

I was taken aback by the question, but realized that she was just a concerned friend "Yes..s-she's…allright…" I sputtered, "Why do you ask?"

"Oh! Well, ever since the incident, she hasn't been the same-" She trailed off again, and I blinked.

"Wait, incident?" I asked, furrowing a brow as I realized another flaw of our ''relationship''. I knew nothing about her past.

Angela seemed to have been embarrassed by what she'd said, "I-I've said too much already! It's one of those things, erm…Edward. Not my story to tell, something that you should only hear from her." I was about to object, but she cut me off "Tell her to call me, okay? I miss her. I hope you find her, Edward." I told her to wait, but she'd hung up. What incident? I closed my eyes, feeling stupid for getting so hormonal and coming onto her when I knew _nothing_ about her.

That aside, I focused on the task at hand, because I couldn't get to know her if I didn't find her first. I slid into my silver Volvo and drove off, remembering where the playground was from when I went there myself. The car ride dragged on and on, even though I was going a steady 70 miles an hour.

Though I could not forgive myself for what I'd done to Bella, I couldn't take the sight of what I'd seen away. No, it burned my memory with its very presence, and it wouldn't go away, no matter how much I willed it to. And the morning started out so great.

_I woke up not just feeling refreshed, but I felt fucking good. Bella had kissed me. And while I didn't really know where things were going to go from here, I still had the memory of her soft lips pressed against mine. She smiled when she was kissing, and it was so adorable. But I couldn't take advantage of her, so I broke it off before anything got too bad. I smiled, running a hand through my copper hair as I remembered the previous night's events._

_It was early, I knew that much by the fact that the sun was just barely waking up itself. _

_Bella stirred, nestling her head into me. I watched her as she slept, and revered in the sight, for it was one of the most amazing sights I'd ever seen. Bella looked almost happy in her sleep, no longer was there the sad fog that misted her expressions, or the frown that was most prominent. No, she looked peaceful. Which meant she wasn't having any nightmares. Good. This was all good. _

_Her hand twitched, and my eyes subconsciously were drawn to the movement. Her fingers were slender and the creamiest shade of ivory. Her sleeve had been pushed up when she was sleeping, revealing her creamy white skin, which contrasted sharply against the red scars on her…. wait, what?_

_I unrolled her sleeve a little more, very carefully, to confirm my suspicions. There, in a neat little line, were a row of cuts, some must've been so deep because of the large scars they left, and some were fresh. She'd been cutting herself here, in my home. My eyes closed and I took a deep breath to calm myself, worry and anger washing through me at the same time. I thought I might be sick. And she just…she just pretended like nothing was wrong! My anger was boiling up. I thought Bella was smart, sensible. Sure, she might be depressed, but still, she wouldn't do something that stupid, would she? Apparently I thought too much of her._

I sighed, rubbing my eyes at a red light. I overreacted, and she didn't even know why. I needed to tell her why. Then maybe she might understand. Sweet, sweet Bella.

_Please be there Bella, I need you…please…_

My car came to an abrupt halt as I reached the elementary school. It was an old-fashioned firebrick building. It was small, but I remembered thinking it was enormous when I was little. I tried to find a way to get to the playground, but the gates were locked. I looked at the ten-foot chain link fence.

_Screw fences, I need to find her._

It was too easy to climb up the fence; it was getting down that was tricky. I misjudged the height that I jumped to the concrete ground. It was a little too high and my foot landed in a weird angle. I winced as a sharp pain shot up my leg, but I ignored it, only focusing on the task at hand. _Screw my ankle, screw everything and everyone on the whole fucking world!_ I was growing more frustrated with myself. What if she wasn't there? I had no idea where else she might be. My screw up might have lost her forever.

I paced towards the playground, aggravated at the slight limp I now had, but all of that melted when I saw a familiar brown-haired angel sitting on the creaky, old swing.

_Thank you, Angela._

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**I'm in Vegas, betches. **

**Hahaha, so yeah, I'm in the city that never sleeps, not sleeping so I can get this chapter out to you. Oh yeah. Feel guilty.**

**Now, I'm pretty sure I'll have another update up before the 5th, but if I don't, then there won't be one until the end of July. I'll be without internet during that time... *cry***

**I'm looking into this whole Beta-ing business. Looks cool, and I'd love to be a Beta, but not until I finish some of my other stories. I've already thought of another multi-chap fic idea, but I forced myself not to write it until I'm done with this story. And we've still got a long way with this story, my friends. :)**

**Also, check out my other story, Uncurables. If you love a nice, mentally unstable, angsty, hot mess, then that's your story! :)**

**I don't think I have anything else to say, other than the bathroom in this hotel has a TV and a Phone. I mean...damn.**

**Reviews reduce Edward's self-loathing, and ankle boo-boos. x)**


	17. Muah

**Sorry if there are some mistakes, I'm tired and too darn lazy. :)**

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Depression is not simply sadness. It's more than that. It's more than just a feeling you have. It's like…it's like black smoke. It surrounds you and covers you and you can't see anything beyond it. You breathe it in, and it fills you up to the brim and you can't escape it.

You can never escape it.

And you're choking in it, and it fills your lungs and you go to the ground, coughing and gasping. You can't breathe.

And this whole time, you don't even do anything about it. You don't try and fight it, because it's always there. And you don't try to escape it, because everywhere you look, and no matter how fast you run, it's always there, and it will always creep up on you and strangle you until you can't breathe. Always.

But then it occurs to you.

The answer.

The only way. The "only" way, to get rid of the smoke.

To get rid of the sadness.

To end it all.

And it seems like such a good idea. The best damn idea you'd ever had. You see, when you're depressed, those around you just…don't matter. It sounds harsh, but it's true. All you can think about is the sadness. The overwhelming, crushing sadness. So it doesn't really matter what people think, or the worried looks that they give. Your mind is set on one thing and one thing only. The only bright spot in the hell that is your life: the end.

But that bright spot was taken away from me the moment Edward saved me. Sure, it was nice of him. Sure, I knew that it was the right thing to do. But…all I could think of was that I might never have that chance again. My bright spot might be gone forever.

But then a new one began to emerge.

It startled me with it's brightness, and I watched, fascinated, as it flooded my being, blinding me and soaking me in light and warmth. I felt good. No, it felt fucking fantastic. But it also seemed all-wrong. What was I, the girl who was constantly shrouded by darkness, doing mingling with a light so pure?

But it didn't _feel _wrong. It felt right, it felt like it was just a puzzle piece in my life that fit all nice and easy.

And that just creeped me out.

It didn't belong. It was foreign. It was _kindness_. It was _compassion._

It was Edward.

His name felt all too real on my mind, and sitting on the cold, damp swing, I almost tried to trick my mind into thinking Edward had been a dream. That the past few days had all been a silly little hallucination of mine.

But it was too hard when the real, electrifying feeling of his lips against mine was burned into my mind forever. Classic Isabella. Classic me. I always screwed up, and anything remotely good would be gone just as it arrived. Black smoke. My only friend. I closed my eyes, almost visualizing breathing it in and having it choke me until I suffocated right there on the fucking playground. I should be so lucky.

It scared me, to be honest. How I felt right now, it scared the shit out of me. I knew I should be mad, and hell I was when I'd left Edward's house. But that was gone now. I should've been hurt, and I had been too. Edward had learned of my true nature, and he rejected it. He taunted me and he mocked me and he _cut himself_ to try and prove some point to me. Yes, it hurt. It hurt like little daggers dragged through my flesh. But…that was gone now too.

No, now was something different entirely. Now I just felt…nothing. No emotion. A blank canvas. Nothing.

No, that's not true. I was tired. I was so, fucking _tired_ of it all. I was tired of the concerned looks I got when people weren't looking. I was tired of being a burden to those around me, Edward included. He'd had to put up for me, and god knows how horrible it was to kiss me. I wouldn't want to do it. And most of all…I was just damn tired of life. I was just…just fucking _done._ The night I'd tried to jump the bridge, I was sad. I was sad and hurt and that's what led me to jump. But now I just felt empty inside. Nothing was stopping me, yet nothing was motivating me either. I was a hollow shell.

I thought about my suicide, and accepted that it would be soon. I'd do it an easy way, and I would do it out of town where no one would find me. A box of painkillers would probably do it…Yes, that would be perfect. I was being dramatic when I decided to jump. The paramedics would find my long gone, battered body at the bottom of the cliff, if anyone even noticed I was gone. No, that was the mistake I made. It had faults. I surely had to have considered when I'd thought of it that someone might drive across the bridge, as I was about to jump. _Isabella, you idiot._

No, the second try would be nice and simple. I thought back. I had some money in the bank that my pa-…that I was going to use for college. But that was before. It would be enough for a cab to Port Angeles and for a motel. I would do it there, and it would be as simple as a swallow. Then I would just…disappear. It's not like anyone would notice my absence.

Edward could not find out, though. I wouldn't tell him. I was sad that my last memory of him would be of him cutting himself and yelling at me, and instead focused on our kiss, and when he'd bought me clothes. He'd bought me long sleeves without any hesitation, knowing my unwillingness towards wearing anything with short sleeves. And he didn't even question it, he just accepted it. He didn't deserve all my emotional crap, and he would get no more of it. I would simply disappear from his life. It would be good for him, he would think that I'd moved on, or maybe I was getting help to cope with my depression. Oh, I was getting help, all right.

A drop of water fell onto my hand, which was neatly in my lap. _Great, wonderful, fan-fucking-tastic. It's raining. _My eyes dragged up to the sky, and I furrowed by brow when I realized that it, in fact, wasn't. My hand reached up to my eye. I was crying.

I broke into a stream of steady sobs then, blubbering like an idiot. It didn't matter, no one was watching me.

My sobs quieted after a while, and I wasn't sure what I was crying more for. The fact that I would never see Edward again or the fact that I was lying to myself when I said he would think I'd moved on. Hell, he'd know I moved on, but not simply to another town or something. To heaven. Or hell, in my case. A creature like me would never be allowed in heaven.

The black smoke showed me as much.

I realized I couldn't spend forever sitting on a swing in a playground. I had to get up. My brain said the actions, but there was just no effort in them. I didn't even move. _Congrats, you've finally given up._ And I had. I didn't even see the point of moving anymore. Or breathing.

Crunching of the gravel floor of the playground signified that I wasn't alone. Great. The last thing I wanted was someone to find me here. I was trespassing, after all.

I turned my head, just slightly, so that I could catch a glimpse of whoever it was in my peripherals. My eyes widened as the last person I expected appeared in my sight. The image was blurry, but the bronze hair was enough of a tell.

Edward.

Damn him, he'd found me.

I turned my head away, closing my eyes and feeling defeated. I had a feeling he wouldn't go away. Any attempts would be useless. He walked up to me, and his steps sounded strangely uneven. He was usually so graceful, what had happened?

Edward closed the distance and was soon right behind me as I sat quietly on the swing. "Bella..." He whispered, and I was surprised at the sound of his voice. It was sad, pained, and even desperate. His hand lightly touched my shoulder, to which I flinched away.

"Don't, Edward. Just...just don't." I replied to him. What right did he have? What fucking right?

"Please…" he whispered, stepping in front of me. Then I fully caught sight of him. His hair was even wilder then usual, he must've been running his fingers through it. He always did that when he was thinking. His eyes were bloodshot, and I could see the makings of tears in the corners. Edward was crying? I closed my eyes, not wanting to see more of the sight that was breaking my heart. I needed to be strong. I couldn't just give in because he looked sad. _Remember what he'd said to you…_ I did, and it made my resolve come back.

"No Edward. You can't just do something as stupid as you did and then expect me to just forgive you! I can't forgive you for this!" Tears began to build up in my eyes too. His head drooped, and his eyes looked to the ground. He looked so heartbreaking, I couldn't stand it. I looked away and instead focused on the bright yellow slide next to the swings.

"Edward, do you think that I _chose_ this? That I just woke up one day and say 'Hey, I think I'm going to cut myself just for the fuck of it.' No. No no _no._ I didn't choose this! You can't yell at me like it's my fault, because I didn't fucking choose this!" Tears poured down my cheeks. I looked back to Edward. Something was going on in those green eyes of his. Something had changed. I was curious, so I settled on staring at him. If he couldn't realize what he did was wrong, then I didn't think we could move on from here. I didn't even know if I wanted to move on.

"Bella…please…can you just let me…explain? Please…?" His head turned up, and I saw that he was now crying too. Why was he crying? I felt myself growing more pissed. He wasn't supposed to cry! But with that expression, I got the feeling that whatever he was going to tell me was worth the listen. So I sighed and nodded.

Edward took a deep breath, his bottom lip quivering as he got his sobs under control. I was beginning to get scared. Why was Edward getting so worked up? "My Mom was married before she met my Father." He began, "She was married to a man named Charles. They were happy, but he had a drinking problem, which didn't go over too well for her." He opened his eyes, as if to make sure I was still there, then closed them and continued with his story.

"Well, she found out she was pregnant, and she was terrified. She was scared of bringing a child into the world while Charles was an alcoholic. But when Mom told him, he was thrilled. He began to treat her differently. He wouldn't hit her anymore, and he stopped drinking. He began to treat her like a real husband should.

"You know how some people say that people are born to be things? Alice was born to design clothes, and Dad was born to be a doctor, and Mom was born to be a Mom. It was the happiest time of her life, and she was so excited to have a child of her own.

"But something went wrong. She went into labor after only being seven months pregnant. They rushed her to the hospital, and while they did everything they could, the baby was born with a lung infection, and died only a few days after being born. She'd only got to hold it once." I saw the tears roll down his face as he paused, and momentarily forgot how pissed I was at him. I reached over and took his hand, but he didn't move. "It was a baby boy." He opened his eyes and looked down at our hands, and squeezed hard, as if he needed to hold onto my hand just to stay standing.

"The birth had affected Mom as well. She had some complications due to the early labor, and she couldn't have children after that. When Charles found out, he was furious. He left her because of it. Mom was devastated, not just because her husband had left her, but also because she would never have a little child that was hers. Mom fell into a deep depression. She started doing that-" He pulled his hand out of my grasp and pointed to my scarred wrists "-to her arms." _Oh._

"Things progressed and got so bad, that one day, she…went onto the balcony of her two-story…and…and jumped." I gasped and put a hand to my mouth, eyes widening. No wonder Edward reacted so horribly to me cutting. His mom had cut and he didn't want a repeat of what happened with her. "She met my Dad when she was in the hospital, he was her doctor. She was so close to death. They grew close and well, fell in love, and years later adopted Alice and me." His story ended with a sad little smile, and I could feel my heart breaking.

"That was why I overreacted to you c-cutting yourself…I thought back to my mom, and what happened to her…and I…I couldn't bear to see that happen to you…" He whispered, his eyes closed. "I know that's not an excuse for my behavior earlier, and I'm truly sorry…I shouldn't have acted that way. If you can't forgive me, I completely understand. I'll just go…" Edward stepped away from me, and I saw that he was limping. What happened?

"Edward…" I whispered, standing up and keeping my eyes trained on the ground. "You need to understand, this isn't something I chose…I'm not too proud of what I do, but sometimes it seems like the only reprieve I have…" I explained, though I don't think I worded it quite right. I once again held my hand out to Edward, to which he took hesitantly.

"I know…" He whispered, "I was out of line…and I will never forgive myself for the way I hurt you." My eyes trailed down to his arm, seeing the two cuts still there. It made me uneasy to think that Edward had hurt himself, and I realized that that must be how he felt when I cut myself. And it all went into perspective then.

Gently, I stepped closer to him. There were still tears in his eyes, but his crying had stopped. I took the hand with the cuts and pulled it closer to me. Then, I looked at the cut closest to me, and pressed my lips to it gently. I felt him shudder lightly, so I pulled my lips away from that cut and kissed the other one.

I looked to Edward. His eyes were bright green like grass and emeralds and they were bright, so bright. Like the light he emitted into my life. I grew curious as the corners of his mouth pulled just slightly in a smile, and He took both of my hands and tuned them palms up. He gently pushed my sleeves down, exposing all of my hideous cuts. Some were crooked scars, from when I first started out, some where old and some were very new, and they were all lined up along my wrist in a nice little line. Looking at both my arms, I never noticed how many there were.

Edward brought my arms to his lips and kissed every single one.

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**Well there it is! I hope you guys liked it. **

**With the AMAZINGLY talented KarinaCullen's recommendation, I checked out the Bodies exhibit when I was vacationing in Las Vegas. It was amazing. For those of you who don't know, Bodies is an exhibit of the human body using actual human bodies and organs that have been preserved through a special process. It makes that much more of an impact on you when you see it, and I thought it was a very unique experience.**

**Well, this is all the updates there will be for the next three weeks. As I said in the last chapter, I'm going to be out of town without internet (and again I say, AHHHH x.x), but I will be writing chapters for Saving Bella and all of my other stories while I'm gone, and I'm going to post them up when I get back. **

**Also, if you guys like hurt/comfort and angst stories, I encourage you to check out my other main FanFic, Uncurables. Things are starting to heat up in tharr! :D**

**I know you guys are totally awesome, so I'm selfishly going to ask you guys to spoil me with reviews. :) It's amazing to see what you guys think!**

**PS. Sweet! The A/N brought this chapter up to over 3,000 words! This makes it the longest chapter of the story! Woooo! *nerdy dance***


	18. Bump! Crash!

**Well guys, here it is. A chapter we've all been waiting for. We finally get some insight into Bella's past. This is a heavy chapter, it took a lot out of me to write. That, and the fact that it's half past midnight (: Couple things before we begin:**

**1. I've been looking for a Beta for some time now, but I'm kind of confused on how to get one. I mean, I know how, but it feels kind of awkward to me to just pick a stranger from a list and ask them to look over my stories. To me, my stories (before I put them up on here) are personal, and I only trust a few people with them, cause I get really protective of them. So, I need your guys help. Are any of you Betas, or know a Beta, or have a Beta, who'd be willing to help me? If you know of someone, let me know in a review, or send me a message. (:**

**2. I keep forgetting to mention that I have a twitter! My twitter name is SoAdorkable. Due to some things, you have to follow me to see my tweets. So if you want some juicy little teasers and stuff, follow me! I also have a tumblr. My username on that is adorkaboo. So far there isn't much stuff on it, but I plan to add more soon.**

**Now, let's begin! Enjoy! **

**WARNING: This chapter deals with mature content, such as murder and rape. If you do not wish to read this, please skip any words that are italicized. The story will still make sense for the most part, so you don't have to worry about missing any plot details. Though, if you skip it and are confused, don't be afraid to shoot me a message on here, and I'll fill you in. (:**

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Time passed quickly from there.

We'd both realized that we'd gotten a little swept away in this romantic fantasy, and now needed to return back to reality. Edward spent most of his days focusing on his new novel, the deadline slowly creeping up on him and him with less than nothing written due to my arrival. I left him alone to work, knowing he needed to concentrate. While he was working, I managed to get myself a job at a local bookstore, working part time to make a little money on the side. I was determined to pay him back for the clothes, and he couldn't stop me.

It was hard to say what we were, Edward and I. We'd never talked about it, but I knew there was _something._ Something that made me smiles when he walked into a room. Something that made me giddy like a schoolgirl. I'd suppose he was my boyfriend, but that sounded like such a juvenile term for it. It didn't feel like something as silly sounding as a boyfriend. It was more. It felt like it was so, so much more.

The store was particularly busy, and I was scrambling to restock the shelves as fast as they were being emptied. I pushed the wooden cart around the small store, while also trying not to crash into people. And I was failing miserably. I was pretty sure I'd pissed off half of the customers with my clumsy maneuvering. I shot the owner, Jacob, an apologetic look, but he smiled and nodded, going back to checking people out at the register.

Eventually, the pace slowed, and I was able to restock slower and take my time. Though, that seemed to be even more disastrous. I made the mistake of walking backwards though the shelves, and bumped into a display of books. Some tottered, and fell to the ground unceremoniously. I grumbled and knelt down to gather the fallen items.

"Jeez Bella, do I need to make you wear a helmet to work?" Jake snickered from behind, bending over to help me with the rest of the books.

"Sorry, Jake," I murmured, "I'll pay for whatever's damaged." I ducked my head, looking at the books in my hand for any bends or damage.

"Don't worry about it, they look just fine. When you told me you come with a warning label when I hired you, I didn't think you were serious!" He chuckled, looking into my eyes. I offered a tight smile and returned his eye contact. I could tell Jake had feelings for me from the way his eyes lingered just a little too long. But he knew I was…off-limits…so to speak, when Edward came to pick me up from work everyday. A more genuine smile poked at the corners of my mouth when I thought of the magical time at 4 when he'd burst through those doors and take me home. _Home._ Yes, that's what it felt like to have one again.

"Bella? Yoo-hoo!" He waved a hand in front of my face, and I fell out of my Edward-induced trance, coming back to the present.

"Sorry! What? I zoned out." Jake rolled his eyes and stood, putting the books he was holding on the cart for me to file.

"About Edward?" He asked bluntly. My eyes widened and a blush crept up my cheeks, which only proved that he was right.

"How did you…?"

"Oh, just a guess." His eyes held a foreign look, and he gave me a tight smile. "Keep workin'. I think it'll be smooth sailing for the rest of the day." He turned and walked away, going into his office in the back and shutting the door. I sighed. Edward would not be happy if I got fired for the sole reason of rejecting my boss' advances. But Jake wouldn't do that, he was cool. Except when Edward was there.

Shaking my head, I decided to do an extra good job, to cover my ass, just in case. I stood, turning back to my card. I piled on the newly fallen books, resolving to get to those last, since they'd be the easiest to sort. I picked up one that I'd had before. _Belladonna_ by Karen Moline. Huh, strange…there seemed to be a little white scrap sticking out of it. Jake never sold previously owned books…so who couldn't put something there? I'd read somewhere that authors like to put little signed notes into their own books at random bookstores, could that be what it was? I pulled out the little white scrap, unfolded it, and read it. And my whole world froze.

**You should read this book, my sweet…all about revenge.**

**I know I did.**

**That sweater looks lovely on you, by the way.**

**I'll be watching.**

**Love, J**

My breath hitched and I felt my chest constricting, trying to get air. Forgetting of my surroundings, I sunk to the ground, feeling like a huge weight was on my chest. I couldn't think. I could breathe. I crushed the paper into my hands, not wanting to see it. Tears came easily flowing down my cheeks. I was shaking, trembling, and I felt dizzy. I recognized the signs of a panic attack, and I felt helpless as tried to get air.

I wasn't sure how long I stayed there, on the ground. It could've been minutes, hours. All I could think of was _that night_ and _him_ and what he _did._ He was here. Watching me. He knew where I was! He knew where I worked! He could easily come and get me…and…and…

A voice broke through my fog. "Whoa, whoa there, Bella. Take it easy, calm down. Let's get you into the back." I was being lifted, touched. I started to scream, but he covered my mouth, shushing me. The panic worsened as I was being carried by something unfamiliar, foreign. It could be _him._ I tried to talk, but I couldn't get words out, my breaths to shallow to make any sound.

Then I was on something soft, a couch maybe? I curled into myself, the fog worsening as the memories shot through my head like daggers. The assault was repetitive. It was like my brain was a broken record, playing the same memory over and over. And every time, ,it never failed to scare the living shit out of me. "Calm down, Bella. Take breaths, deep breaths. That's it, you're doing it, good girl." The voice was fading as the panic was rising, and my breaths became short again. "Shit. Oh, thank god _you're_ here."

"What's going on here?" Another foreign voice said, farther away.

"I found here like this, man. I don't know what to do. Does she get attacks like this a lot?"

"Only once." The second voice stopped and soon I was being gathered into the arms of something. I struggled crying out for it to stop, but the voice spoke calmly, keeping me firmly planted in his arms. "Shh…sweet Bella…it's me…Edward…you're okay…you're going to be okay." Edward. _Edward._ Oh, sweet Edward. That was the only coherent though that broke through my fog. Edward. Edward's here. The memories were still assaulting me, and I clung to him tightly, crying and trying to breathe at the same time.

He rubbed small circles into my back "Breath, sweet girl…deep breaths…that's it…there you go Bella…" He whispered into my hair as I finally was able to start breathing correctly again. "Come back to me love…" The fog cleared, and I was able to crack my eyes open and see that I was in Jacob's back room. Jacob. He was the one carrying me first. And I struggled and screamed through the store. I must've scared all of the customers away. Embarrassment washed through me, and I curled up into Edward. The panic left my nerves fried, and I trembled as I cried, staining Edward's shirt with my tears.

"You're here…with me…everything's fine…come on, love. Let's get you home." I nodded wordlessly as he carried me out of the store, nodding to Jacob in appreciation. I hugged my torso, feeling a hole in my chest as I thought back. Edward was whispering things to me, but I couldn't hear them. My mind was far away, back to the night that changed my life.

"_I like it."_

"_Oh, come on, Bella! A little more enthusiasm needed! This is my fragile teenage psyche we're talking about." I snorted and we both shared a laugh._

"_Ang, I'm sure Ben will love it. I've seen the way he looks at you. All googley eyed and smiley. He'd be happy if you were wearing only a paper bag."_

_"He probably would, it'd be easier to take off." She wiggled her eyebrows conspiratorially and stepped back into the changing room. "You should get a dress too, Bella."_

"_Why would I get a dress?" I replied, rolling my eyes._

"_Cause of your hot date with Mike this Friday." I snorted. Mike had asked me out –again-, and I'd refused for probably the fifteenth time. She knew that I wasn't going and she was just teasing me about it because she knew it got under my skin. Yet, I'd agreed to go dress shopping with her because she knew I was the only honest opinion she'd get. As she put it, taking our friend Jessica Stanley would be just like taking a sign that said 'Ohmigosh sooooooo cute!'. _

"_Yeah, just who I wanted to go with." Mike had shamelessly been trying to get me to go out with him since we were freshmen. Though I'd politely declined numerous times, he hadn't taken the hint yet. You'd think by the time we were already packing for college, he would get a clue, but…_

"_That's it. I'm buying it. Don't talk me out of it now Bella. I look hot. End of discussion." I grinned and held my hands up in surrender. Over the years, Angela and I had grown really close, and I could safely call her my best friend. _

_We left the store, Ang carrying a garment bag, and me carrying a bag of my own, after finding a nice shirt in the previous store. We got a bite to eat, and piled into Angela's car to make the long trip home. _

"_Can you believe it, Bella? We're going off to college. It seems like just yesterday it was the first day of freshmen year." Angela said to me as we were driving._

"_I know. It's pretty…. crazy. And you, you're practically engaged!" I grinned at her and she blushed, but we both knew it was true. We settled into easy chatter on the way home, passing the time with that and blasting the stereo and singing badly. Pretty soon, she'd pulled up to my house. Charlie's cruiser was parked, and so was Mom's car. I idly wondered what they'd done for dinner, because neither of them could cook. _

"_We have to hang out again before we go to college. I'm never gonna see you!" Angela and Ben were both set to go off to college together in Oregon, and I was going to University in Seattle. _

_"Of course." I agreed, giving her a hug and sliding out of her car with by bag. I waved as she drove off, and then turned to my house. Hm, that was strange. The door was open a crack. I stepped in and looked around, taking off my shoes. "I'm home!" I called, but received no response. Strange…I turned my head to our living room. Though the couch was turned away from me, I did see Mom's feet sticking out from on end, and her head on the other. Had she fallen asleep on the couch? That's unusual, she said she hated sleeping on couches…_

_I stepped towards the couch to wake her "Mom." I said loudly, but she didn't stir. Rolling my eyes, I stepped to the front of the couch to shake her. _

_A scream fell from my lips at the sight. Mom was lying on the couch, all right, but there was a gaping, bloody gash in her chest. Tears rushed from my eyes, and I screamed at her, shaking her roughly now "Mom, wake up. You have to wake up! Mom! Wake UP!" But it was no use. She was already cold. _

"_She's gone." A light voice said from behind me. A voice I didn't recognize. I turned slowly. A grizzly looking man stood there. He had a smirk on his face, and a knife in his hand. _

"_What did you do?" I screamed, fury pulsing through me at that point. I wanted to charge at this man, but the knife he was holding was preventing that._

"_Well, I couldn't let them get in my way, could I? Then how would I get to you…?" My eyes widened. Them. He said _Them.

"_Where's Charlie?" I demanded, taking a step towards him. He gave a carefree smile and pointed in back of him using the knife "Kitchen." _

_I stumbled forewords, not caring, wanting to see Charlie. I screamed out, seeing that he'd seen the same fate as Renee. His eyes were open, glazed over, and he was lying in a pool of blood. Tears cascaded down my cheeks. Suddenly arms were wrapped around me, and I was being pulled to the wooden floors. The man pinned me down, and I tried to struggle away, screaming as loud as I could. "Well, can't have anyone finding us, now can we?" He pulled something out of his pocket, two little pills. He popped them in my mouth, plugged my nose so I couldn't breathe, and covered my mouth so I couldn't spit them out. "Swallow it." He hissed. I tried to keep my breath for as long as I could, but he was sitting on my stomach, and I was starting to feel dizzy. I swallowed them. He smiled at me, and removed his hands. _

_I kept screaming, but whatever he'd given me was making my limbs feel like lead. My voice soon failed me too, as I started feel numb and lethargic. I couldn't move at all. He laughed, taking me into his arms. "I've wanted you for so long, my sweet…" He laughed and started unbuttoning my shirt "I've been planning this for so long….trying to make it perfect…now you're 18, we can be together…" It went on like that for an eternity. He would tell me he loved me, and he kissed and touched and did whatever the hell he wanted to with me. Once he was done, he zipped his pants up and held me close. I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks, wishing someone would find us, someone would help me…"We can be together forever…forever…"_

"Bella, Bella sweetie we're home." I was jarred out of my half conscious state by Edward, bending forewords and picking me up from the car, carrying me inside. His arms felt right around me, and I snuggled into them, feeling secure and at home in them.

He brought me into my room, and laid me on the bed. He moved to leave, telling me to get rest. I grabbed his hand tight, eyes wide. "Please don't leave me." It came as just barely a whisper, but I could tell by the look on his face that he'd heard it. Without a second thought, Edward climbed into bed with me, holding me in his arms. I started crying, grieving all over again. He was still out there, and he was looking for me. No, he'd _found me_. He probably knew I was here, with Edward. My heart dropped. _Edward. _ If he knew were I was, then he knew I was with Edward. I couldn't let Edward get hurt. I couldn't. If something happened to him…. it'd be all my fault. My crying must've grown louder, for Edward started rocking me, shushing me gently. I buried my face in his neck, needed to touch him, smell him, see him, to make sure he was still here with me. I would _not _let him hurt my Edward.

"Bella…sweetie…" Edward murmured to me some time later, after I'd, for the most part, calmed down. "What happened to you?" I knew what that question meant. He wasn't talking about what'd happened at the bookstore. He wanted to know what had happened back then, what made me like this. What made me want to die.

I took a deep breath and looked into his emerald eyes, and begun to tell him of the murders of my parents.

* * *

**I hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas, and I hope you all have a very Happy New Year! I'll see you all in 2011! (:**


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